A/N: Another class assignment, what would you expect? In English we were studying the beauties of satire. This is a satire of my very own about the subject of my choice. You see, our school has this principal...he's nuts...and the administration has chosen to pursue the school dress code to its fullest and some of the things in that dress code are ridiculous. At the beginning and the end, the satire covers a more broad area of our student handbook, but its point is made using the issue of our dress code. Enjoy.


Most teenagers turn their noses up at even the inclination of rules. I mean, rules are meant to keep them from fun, turn them into societal robots, and crush their fragile spirits. It is a sad, sad day when I come to agree with them…at least…to an extent.

It is that exact extent that brings me here today: the extent of our rules at this school. Lets look at this from a teenage perspective and lets start with the school dress code. For the first few days, at least, this issue in "The Plume" was on everyone's mind. It took the administration this long to enforce our school dress code. When several of our teachers read the section of our handbook out to the entire class, it was a scandal, an outrage, a downright nuisance! What is up with these people? No midriff tops, no distracting hair color, no cuts in your jeans, no inappropriate footwear. Wait, footwear? We have people cramming their faces five minutes before the bell rings because the lunch line is so long and you're looking at our footwear? I say, if you're looking that closely at our feet, you must not get out much. I say that if you're worried about cuts in jeans that, like so many things made by man, wear out over time, and that follow the school code of length, you need to go out and buy us some new jeans. Get the kind that doesn't wear out this time, gosh! Jeans are supposed to be able to last forever, didn't you know that?

I am perfectly aware of the reason for rules. Rules are there for our benefit and all that. But let me give you a tip. If you want to create a school handbook filled with rules for teenage benefit…try being a teenager these days! I do believe that's the ticket. You are going to spend a day in the life of a teenager of today. You are going to become one of your inferiors. Think it as an educational venture. When you wake up in the morning at, oh say, five or six in the morning, you'll roll over and punch the snooze button. Your young, exuberance is not so young or exuberant when you have to wake up after working your waking hours away at a job that doesn't pay much, staying up half the night working on homework that you had no time to do and no clue how to complete. But don't sweat it, you got it done, because you're a genius like that, right? Yeah, you fail the next test from lack of sleep and you'll know what I mean. After hitting the snooze button four and five times you have no time to eat breakfast, you have barely enough time to take a shower and change. You look in your closet and what do you find? Well if you're as picky as this teenager is, you will skip right over those clothes your grandmother knitted for you last Christmas and you'll go with something comfortable. Jeans that have been through quite a few washes, let's say. But they have a hole in them, just above the knee…oh no…what shall we do? Wear them anyway, of course. These jeans are your absolute favorite jeans, jeans that you will feel comfortable sitting in a desk for an hour and a half learning in, one of very few jeans that you have. There are a handful of people who can spend as much on clothes as is needed to keep the wardrobe circulating. You aren't one of those people. You have a minimum wage job that you work at after school and all of your money goes toward lunch money, car payments, insurance, and gas…and we all know how much gas costs these days. But it's for a good cause, going to and from school everyday, won't your teachers be proud?

Teachers have been where we are, but some teachers have views that are a bit outdated. Some things are called into account as being distracting or potential weaponry. What they might see as distracting, however, we do not. If someone wanted to make a weapon out of a wallet chain or the like, they'd just as soon make a weapon out of their sharpened number 2 pencil. I'm not saying the school dress code must totally be done away with. Just that there needs to be some serious revisions in our school dress code, thinking not just our safety into account. Think of our teenage money supply. Think of our comfort. Think of our environment. Students learn better when they're comfortable. Students will listen to a teacher that respects issues in their lives other than safety and lawsuits. Students will be much more willing to comply to a handbook that isn't distant from their daily lives…but rather, like our administration should be, the handbook is involved. Live your life a day in our shoes and then see how ridiculous some of the rules are.