Minna Kinotome would like to present...

"Who Exactly IS Billie Joe?"

or...

"Who are you, and what have you done with Billie Joe?"

Funded by Red Marker Incorporation (Founded by Minna Kinotome)

Alright. Another rant from me. This time, it's HOW TO WRITE GREEN DAY CHARACTERS. In Character, of course.

Billie Joe Armstrong

He is the lead singer, guitarist, and song writer of Green Day.

He is five-foot-seven-inches, has black hair, hazel eyes, and wears a black shirt, black pants, red tie, and black Converses.

He has two kids: Joseph and Jacob Armstrong. Joseph is the oldest (1994), and Jacob is the youngest (1995).

He is married to Adrienne Nesser. Not you. Not your sue. Adrienne.

He is bisexual.

He kisses Mike Dirnt, pretends to jack-off, and humps the stage as an act. Did you forget what those are?

In short, Billie Joe owns you, your ass, and your ass's mama.

Mike Dirnt

Real name is Michael Ryan Pritchard.

He is the bassist, and writes some of the songs ("Nobody Likes You" and "Emimus Sleepus").

Has blond hair.

Is NOT gay. Yes, he kisses Billie. It's a tradition. Suck it up.

Is divorced, and has one kid.

Tré Cool

Real name is Frank Edwin Wright III.

He is the drummer, and was a replacement for Al Sobrante. However, they liked Tré so much they let him stay.

Has blond hair.

Co writes some of the songs ("All By Myself" and "Rock and Roll Girlfriend").

Has two kids.

Is divorced, but got remarried.

That is how they are in real life. With your sue placed in there, it's all fucked up.

Billie Joe becomes...

Backround singer, backround guitarist. Isn't allowed near his lyrics notebook.

Some fucked up form of height. He is not six feet.

Blond hair. Though he had blond hair (which can be seen in the older music videos for Nimrod, Warning:, Insomniac, and Dookie), he now has BLACK hair. Unless this is taking place back in the early ninties.

Blue or green eyes.

Some really weird outfit he would never wear. Hello? Where are the Converses? He wore a suit in one video and STILL WORE THEM.

Has no children, no wife.

Straight as a board. Homophobic. Hello, he grew up in CALIFORNIA. All the homosexuals came from there, supposedly. San Fransico, anyone? Berkeley is NEAR IT.

Is some weepy uke boi who is VERY pansy-ish.

Hello, Mr. Imposter? Where's Billie Joe? Is he in that closet over there tied to a chair and gagged?

Mike Dirnt becomes...

Basically what Mr. Armstrong becomes.

Tré Cool becomes...

Ditto.

Your Sue becomes...

Lead singer, guitarist, song writer. Hello? That belongs to Billie Joe. Give that back when you're done with it.

"Teh ultimate, y0". No.

Steals the spotlight from the band.

Lemme see...

There are a few things I need to clear up, here.

Billie Joe is thirty-three. Not twenty two. Not twenty one. Not twelve. Thirty-three.

He is not about to have hot sweaty sex with your fourteen year old sue. Or any sue in general, no matter how old she is.

Another thing is Billie Joe is MARRIED. M-A-R-R-I-E-D. To Adrienne. Adrienne Nesser.

Who's that? You don't know who that is?

LEARN, my dear child. She had his children. Stop making her cheat on Billie Joe or die or act like a bitch. She is not Ms. Swann or Princess Zelda. She is a real person. She deserves the same amount of respect you give her loving husband.

He is not gay; he admits he's bisexual in the Advocate (the article of which I have). Making out with Mr. Dirnt is fine; he already does that onstage. However, he would never have sex with another man. No. Especially since he's married with two sons.

"Blue" is not the nickname for his... nether regions.

"Blue" is the name of his blue Fender Stratocaster guitar. It's kind of obvious as to why it's called Blue.

Also, Billie Joe is not short for anything. Ask him. It says "Billie Joe Armstrong" on his birth certificate.

Mmm, yes, we know he's sexy. Please don't litter 's Green Day section (or any other websites' Green Day section for that matter) with your sues.

Do it for Billie Joe. And SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HOW SEXY HE IS.

Thank you.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by:

PBJAAGDFMS (Protect Billie Joe Armstrong and Green Day from Mary Sues).

Thank you.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Yes, Billie Joe."

If I've had to make a protection agency in the basement of the Red Marker Inc. for Mr. Armstrong and co., then there's a major problem with the sue infestation.

Green Day is special to me since it was the first rock band (er, punk-rock band) I listened to. "Waiting" was the first song I heard. I liked the band before I knew who Billie Joe was, or what he looked like. Hell, I didn't know what he looked like until I saw the video for "American Idiot".

Please, if you love Billie Joe (and I know you do), leave the guy alone. It's OK to fantasize; I do, too. But we don't want to see your suefics about you and Billie. It blurs the line between reality and fantasy. That's not good; it's bad.

You want to see him happy? Let him be with his true love. Let him live his life without you trying to find out where he lives.

Love Billie Joe for his talent, too. That's what drew me into Green Day.

"Wow, this band has an awesome lead singer; his singing and lyrical abilities are excellent; his guitar playing is blowing me away, Chris. What's the band's name?"

"Green Day."

"I'm getting Dookie."

"You should."

I didn't say, "Wow, what a hottie! This band is awesome because the lead singer is hott!"

No. I initially loved him (and still do) for his talent, not his good looks. Although those help, it's the talent you look for.

My good friend Christopher introduced me to "Waiting" and "Basket Case". My brother gave me Insomniac.

And that was in... what, third grade? 2001. Four years I've been listening to them.

So they're special. I show my appreciation by protecting them from Mary Sues.

And I know if Billie Joe, or someone from Green Day was reading this, they'd be proud of my sticking up for them.

Or thinking, "What the fuck is this girl on?"

Peace out.