Years like the scars on my body
Fading quickly but always there
Childhood still a blur
Mommy's perfume still strong in the air
Even though she died a year and a half ago
Sissy, do you remember this song?
I call her bawling and playing mommy's song
"Eye in the sky" she tells me not to upset her
Dial tone, my friendly reminder
Daddy calls complains I didn't come see him
And I won't pick up my phone
Then he cries, why did she leave?
Words shatter my thoughts
Why did I say that mom?
If I knew… if only I knew
Mommy I never wanted you to leave me
I'm sorry I cut myself
I'm sorry I tried to kill myself
I'm sorry I didn't listen
I'm so sorry.
Damn the radio
Stop playing those songs
It makes me hurt
I tried mommy, really I did
But I was thirsty
Thirsty for the love of the blade
It never judged me
Where were you when Dalia broke my heart?
Or when I got so stoned I couldn't walk to sissy's house by myself
And she had to come find me
Sure I learned from those mistakes
But part of me wants to do it again
Maybe this time I'll fall in the road and get split in two
Do you remember when I was little and you told me daddy wasn't my daddy
Was it because you were drunk?
I forgive you
I love you mommy
Can you smell my tears that I spill on this page?
Can you feel the anger that lingers in my words?
Or the guilt laced with my blood?
If I was a good girl
If I called
If I was there mommy
You'd still be here
Helping me with my issues
Instead of pretending they don't exist like everyone else
You can dry my tears and rub my head like you used to
When I came home for the weekend when I was in THAT place
You rubbed my head and I fell asleep on your lap
The good old times
It's hard to remember them when all I can think of is the bad times
I'll take care of myself mommy I promise
And daddy will take care of you when he meets you wherever it is that you are
He is getting sicker you know mom
And I suspect he will leave me too sooner rather then later
What will I do then?
I can't live without him
No one else can love a an angsty teen
With enough issues to make Michael look sane
The ink in my pen is running low
My eyes burn from the tears
So mommy I love you
Forgive me and send me comfort
Forever yours, the golden child.
AN: well I let loose on this one. Not really a poem I suppose, well maybe it is. It's true too just so you know. Enjoy it please. R.I.P Annie Cave, 03-20-55 - 02-21-04