Years like the scars on my body

Fading quickly but always there

Childhood still a blur

Mommy's perfume still strong in the air

Even though she died a year and a half ago

Sissy, do you remember this song?

I call her bawling and playing mommy's song

"Eye in the sky" she tells me not to upset her

Dial tone, my friendly reminder

Daddy calls complains I didn't come see him

And I won't pick up my phone

Then he cries, why did she leave?

Words shatter my thoughts

Why did I say that mom?

If I knew… if only I knew

Mommy I never wanted you to leave me

I'm sorry I cut myself

I'm sorry I tried to kill myself

I'm sorry I didn't listen

I'm so sorry.

Damn the radio

Stop playing those songs

It makes me hurt

I tried mommy, really I did

But I was thirsty

For pain

Thirsty for the love of the blade

It never judged me

Where were you when Dalia broke my heart?

Or when I got so stoned I couldn't walk to sissy's house by myself

And she had to come find me

Sure I learned from those mistakes

But part of me wants to do it again

Maybe this time I'll fall in the road and get split in two

Do you remember when I was little and you told me daddy wasn't my daddy

Was it because you were drunk?

I forgive you

I love you mommy

Can you smell my tears that I spill on this page?

Can you feel the anger that lingers in my words?

Or the guilt laced with my blood?

I'm sorry

If I was a good girl

If I called

If I was there mommy

You'd still be here

Helping me with my issues

Instead of pretending they don't exist like everyone else

You can dry my tears and rub my head like you used to

Remember that?

When I came home for the weekend when I was in THAT place

You rubbed my head and I fell asleep on your lap

The good old times

It's hard to remember them when all I can think of is the bad times

I'll take care of myself mommy I promise

And daddy will take care of you when he meets you wherever it is that you are

He is getting sicker you know mom

And I suspect he will leave me too sooner rather then later

What will I do then?

I can't live without him

No one else can love a an angsty teen

With enough issues to make Michael look sane

The ink in my pen is running low

My eyes burn from the tears

So mommy I love you

Forgive me and send me comfort

Forever yours, the golden child.

AN: well I let loose on this one. Not really a poem I suppose, well maybe it is. It's true too just so you know. Enjoy it please. R.I.P Annie Cave, 03-20-55 - 02-21-04