she looks up from the music she cannot even

begin to understand to gaze longingly

at someone she cannot even dare herself to talk to

as he sings out loud and clear

as a bell, which seems to be calling her back

to sea. the obvious ringing drawing her,

back to the ocean, to drown.

is it coincidence or is it fate when his eyes meet hers

shiftily over gospel music during second period

chorus class, where she hopes to meet him by the water cooler

and maybe talk for a little while before

she's pulled underwater, drowning in the clearness.

is it imagined or just invisible when she thinks

there must be something that keeps them

from looking away, something born of pointlessness

in conversation between the two, just for the sake

of talking to one another. in her dreams he is

not so unreachable, but is instead

the perfect person, waiting to carry her away,

because he cannot drive, even how she imagines him.

when she dreams, it is not of sugar plums, or fairies

but of silencing the silence when conversation

ends and there is no where else to turn.

her daydreams are made up of real life pieces

just changed a little, so they will be easier

to swallow, and not leave such a bitter taste.

after so many virtualized conversations, he seems

different in real life, not better or worse

but certainly not the same as anything she remembers

him being. jokes that could make her laugh become

all too serious, his eyes too blue, the company too

strange. it's all strangeness, down to the setting,

and he's not what she imagined, but sometimes its

inevitable that we imagine wrong, or at least

that we hope for a little too much in dreams.

he insists she looks like someone else, stares

into her eyes, trying to find another girl there,

but finds only the one he's looking at, but he doesn't,

he doesn't really find her because he's too caught up

in what she isn't, and he cannot merely see her

for what she is, and what she needs.

she doesn't want much from him, but she needs more

than nothing, because nothing is too disappointing

an answer, after all the effort and time to just

make him see she's there. he sees now, but

he still doesn't understand. or maybe he does

understand, maybe he just doesn't see.