A/N: This story is written by two 18 year olds with the maturity level of a 9 year old. If you have a maturity level of over 9 you should not be reading this. A quick test to determine this is if you laugh at the word: Poopie. If you laughed at poopie, you can read this story. This was meant to be a comic book but neither of us can draw.
Meet the Bounty Hunters (and their accountant) as they travel across the universe searching for the scum that pays the best.
Jack Daniels: Jack is the leader of the group. He's a former Marine with a twisted sense of humor. He was booted out of the Marines for putting X-Lax in his CO's coffee. Jack is 6'6, has a Mohawk and a goatee. His best friend in the whole universe is Neil as he is the only one that can understand what Neil is really saying.
Neil: Neil is a blue platypus. He walk's around on his hind legs and stands about 3'8. Neil is the radio operator for the team, but the only thing he can say is his own name. But fortunately, Jack can somehow understand what he is really trying to say.
Geraldo: Geraldo is a mutated demon hamster. He is completely red and stands at 2'1. When he was a kid he carved the number 9 in his forehead for no apparent reason. He serves as the pilot of the ship. He can't talk because hamsters can't talk, but uses hand jesters to get his point across.
Ed: Ed is a Ynt. Ynts are a race of giant praying mantises. He is about 7'3. Ed is the team's demolitions guy. He's also the janitor of the ship.
Carl: Carl is a walking talking liver from the planet Intestine. He stands at 4'4. Carl is the main weapons guy of the ship. He is also an excellent sniper, using his own bile pouches to launch the gross liquid at enemies. He's also a pretty good cook.
Bill: Bill is the team's accountant. Sometimes he is used for target practice. He looks like a nerd.
The Stale Cracker: The Stale Cracker is their space ship. It is shaped like an elephant animal cracker.
Episode 1: The First Episode.
Beep! Beep! The radio of The Stale Cracker started to go off. Neil waddled over to pick it up. He listened for a few moments then hung up.
"What's up?" Jack asked.
"Neil," replied Neil.
"What'd he say?" Asked Ed.
"He said we got a new job. We need to go to the planet Cake and capture the Evil Flamer. He's a Candelite." Answered Jack.
"Neil said all that?" Asked Ed.
"Yes." Jack responded simply. "Geraldo, set a course for the planet Cake."
"Hey guys, can I tell you something?" Bill asked.
"No," everybody replied in turn and Bill shut up.
Geraldo gave Jack a thumbs up and set in the directions. When they arrived at planet Cake, Geraldo lowered the struts that came out of the legs of the elephant. When the struts touched the ground, there was a loud farting noise that echoed throughout the ship.
Jack stared laughing hysterically then said, "I put whoopee cushions on the bottom." Everybody gave him a dirty look and just rolled their eyes.
When they had landed everybody got out. Bill said, "Guys, I really need to tell you something."
But before he could say what he wanted a Candelite approached them. He was a short little creature. He looked like a candle with arms and legs with a face and a burning wick out the top. "Can I help you folks?" He asked.
"Yes,' Jack said, 'We're here to capture the Evil Flamer and bring him to justice. Can you tell us where to find him?"
"Sure. He's in Chocolate City. The fastest way to get there is to go through Devil's Food forest. But beware the race of Evil Amish that reside there, they don't like trespassers."
Carl spoke up, "Why don't we just fly there and avoid the whole thing?"
Ed said, "Because the struts are stuck in the frosting."
So they started walking. They had just entered the forest when out of nowhere came a yell, "Dieith!"
Jack ducked just in time as a pitchfork went flying past his head. Jack called out, "Stop! We're the good guys."
A man who looked like a normal Amish man except he had a pitchfork for one hand and a sickle for the other stepped out. "Whatith are you doing in my forestith?" He asked.
"Neil." Replied Neil.
"Whatith doth he sayith?"
"He said we are just passing through your forest to get to Chocolate City so we can capture The Evil Flamer to prevent him from doing harm to anybody else?" Jack said.
"He sayith all that?"
"Wellith, seeing how you have a most nobleith of causes, I, Ezekiel, shall accompanyith you on your journey."
So Ezekiel joined the group as they headed to Chocolate City. Once they arrived they could immediately tell which one was The Evil Flamer. He was bigger than the other Candelites and was surrounded by henchmen. He also had a sword.
"Taxes!' He yelled, "You must pay the taxes! You,' he pointed his sword at the group, 'have you paid your taxes?"
"What'd he say?"
"He said that seeing how we're not citizens of your planet, we do not have to pay your taxes under code 102.35B of the Universal Monetary Contract."
"He said all that?"
"You will pay your taxes! But now with your lives! Henchmen, attack!"
An epic battle then ensued. Jack used his military training to fight, Neil used his claws, Ed used his pincher thingies, Carl was shooting his bile, Ezekiel used his hand weapons, Geraldo bite a couple, and Bill just ran and cried. When all the henchmen were defeated, only the Evil Flamer remained. In a last ditch effort he threw his sword at Carl slicing him through the stomach. But before he fell down, Carl shot out one last bile shot that landed on the Flamer's head putting out the fire. With his fire out the Evil Flamer fell over knocked out.
The team picked up the Evil Flamer and Carl and took them back to the ship. Once there, Ezekiel helped them unstuck their ship using Pam cooking spray. Then he said, "I'm sorryith for you lossith."
Jack replied, "Don't be. He's a liver, livers heal. He'll be fine in no time. Thanks for all your help."
"Don'tith mentionith itith."
They waved goodbye and flew off. After dropping the Evil Flamer off and getting paid they were just sitting around again. Then Bill said, "Hey guys, can I tell you something now?"
"Fine, what is it Bill?"
"It's my birthday. What you get me?"
Everybody ignored him and went back to what they were doing.