PS (important): First of all lets answer some interesting questions:
1: No we are not two psycho murders.
2: Yes, this is a joke.
3: Why did we write it? Well… It happens that this is our essay for school. Our professor asked us to write an "How to do something in ten steps", so we just choose this subject!
3: Yes we are two girls!!! And proudly Brazilians (what can we do? We were at our English classes…)
4: Believe it or not, we got an A for this!
5: Now let's go on with it!
How To Murder Someone And Get Away With it
One of the greatest questions of life, besides its meaning, is: "how to murder someone and get away with it?" Now we found the answer! And to make it easier for you, who are "mentally disturbed", psycho, or just bored, we put it into 10 simple steps!
1st step: Pick your victim, it can be randomly chosen or previously selected. It's up to you.
2nd step: Choose the place, time, method and tools to be used at the murder. Also make sure there will be no interruptions. Don't EVER forget to use gloves all the time, to prevent the police from finding your fingerprints.
3rd step: Observe the victim for three weeks, if you can't wait that long, a week will do. Watch the routine and habits of the ham-to-be.
4th step: Make sure the victim is at the right place, at the right time, as planned. Somewhere covered with mist would be a good choice.
5th step: It's time for action! Do it singing, just o break the ice: "I want action tonight, satisfaction all night", a Poison's song.
Don't forget to use your gloves… AGAIN!!!
6th step: The ham can't scream! We suggest you to cover the ham's mouth to kill him slowly.
7th step: Burry the person somewhere no one, not even you, will find.
Some Suggestions:: 1-Throw the body in the sea.
2- Burry in::
a) Your backyard
b) A haunted forest
c) An Indian cemetery (if you're too tired to look for one, a regular one will do… But make sure that the cemetery you choose isn't haunted, otherwise there's a high possibility that the person's soul will come back to haunt you.)
3- Make it look like a suicide, but this is going to give you some hours of work…
4- If you aren't an expert, just burn it; if you are, place it at the subway at the rush hour.
8th step: Clean up the murder scene and get rid of the gloves and tools.
9th step: Go home and, if possible, get an alibi, just in case!
10th (finally) step: Say loudly: "I will be back!" (remember to use a creepy voice).
Now, have a nice meal! ;D
PS: There's always another ham waiting for you…