This is the kind of relationship that I have with my own Dad and this is how I feel about it. Does anyone else feel this too?

I try to please

But never succeed

In making him proud of me.

A father should be there

To love and to care

To be proud to say

'That's my daughter.'

But if from a young age

His disciplinary methods

In you with slaps and fists engage

Then you become but scarred for life

And never a loving word is said

Unless in sarcastic tones

Or on the death bed.

The gaping chasm grows and grows

Between the father and the daughter.

You find that it becomes in sorrows;

'Angels, you're fuckingfat

Stop being a lazy fucker and get off your ass.'

In a life of part-time work and schooling

One finds oneself in frustration, anger, grief pooling.

In dedicating one's life to pleasing one man

You find yourself pushing unto the limit of exhaustion

But still you have a plan.

If I could be thinner then maybe he'll love me

If I could be prettier then maybe he'll love me

If I could be smarter then maybe he'll love me

But no.

With 'thinner' comes exercise and dieting:

Physical exhaustion ensues

And I find my tired body

Becoming late for school:

'Stop being fuckinglazy,

Get out of bed and you'll be on time!'

With prettier comes popularity

And newfound friends and acquaintances:

'You were supposed to be in at fucking twelve!

You're not going out again!'

With smarter of course your focus has to be steady

To forget everything else and focus you must be ready:

'Why the fuck is your room such a mess?

Get out of my sight

Go to fucking bed.'

Well the books that are strewn all over my floor

Are to make me smarter, more and more

And this not for my pleasure; all for my Dad.

Then you find yourself nearing an end

The life you so vigorously hate

Seems to be angering him

So you wait.

You wait for the perfect time to go to your grave

And plague him no longer

To no longer force your company upon where it is not wanted.

Say goodbye to those few you have loved

And leave forever.

Maybe then he will say:

'I loved my daughter.'