23rd day of the 3rd month, year 1583
I have started this journal as my doctor has ordered to deal with the stress of my pregnancy. He says he does this for every woman because this is a good way to deal with the frustration of my changing body.
I found out only a week ago that I was pregnant. I exhibited all the classic signs, yet I brushed them off as a bad case of the cold. The doctor informed me today that I am three months along, not six weeks as originally thought! The baby will be here in six more months and I have yet to tell my husband, the king.
Explaining this is very confusing to everyone, but since I've done it for them, I'll do it for you, little journal. I've been married to the king for only two months, but before that he was married to another woman who gave him two beautiful daughters, Alexia and Alyssa, something that I could never do. Unfortunately, there was a falling out between the two of them, and she left, leaving him with the two girls.
His advisors told him that for the mental health of his girls, he should remarry. Originally, the king refused; it would look bad if he were to marry another woman so soon after his wife returned back to her own kingdom. He took a quiet retreat into the Alga Mountains to clear his head, where I was living with the monks of the Light Temple training to one day serve the avatar that was to come in exactly 9 months.
Eilonwy sat beneath the massive oak tree as a cool breeze brushed quickly past her. The breeze brushed the scent of the flowers that sat in her lap past her nose, as she looked out over the hill she sat on to the dark forest down below.
"It's weird." She said aloud. "Yesterday, I was ducking and dodging getting married before my sisters did. Now I'm learning all about something that happened 16 thousand years ago." The leaves above her rustled as a new breeze sprawled out across the hill and forest below.
We were married in a matter of days.
I'm still not sure how to tell my husband. The baby will be here in 6 months, and I've yet to pick out names but my husband has all ready begun to map out the new baby's room. He wants the baby to be able to look out over the street coming into the castle when he or she gets older. Alexia and Alyssa have been picking out the colors of the room and helping Nanny Elaine sew a new quilt and blankets.
It's all very exciting and nerve wracking at the same time.
"Shadow is… nice I guess." Eilonwy began rubbing the cloth of her peasant dress in between her fingers. "He seems genuine enough. I guess you could say that I like him. I mean I like him better than some of the guys that dad has brought around." She glared at the ground harshly. "Those guys were just plain sleazy and cheap. But Shadow, well…" she relaxed again. "I guess I don't know what to feel about him." Eilonwy leaned back into the tree. "I guess I don't know what to feel anymore."
4th day of the 6th month, year 1583
The baby has been kicking and moving for two months now as the kingdom moves into early spring. Alexia and Alyssa are excited when they place their little hands on my stomach to feel the baby kick. My husband, Malachi, has no ill feelings towards me since I told him about the baby. He is still overjoyed to have a new addition to his ever growing family. The treaty negotiations between the Kingdom of the Dark Elves and our kingdom have come to a close, bringing peace to both nations, and putting my mind a little at ease about war.
But I still have been feeling uneasy lately. I'm visiting the monks in the Alga Mountains to get some answers for my uneasiness.
Shadow sat on a branch towards the top of the tree, gazing out across the empty field to the castle and the underlying town. The morning mist still clung to the grass as the villagers began to stir and move about idly in their houses. He sighed deeply. He wished he had that life again.
'But then I'd be dead.' He thought solemnly. He looked down at Eilonwy; she was quiet again. She was always quiet, even when there was much to tell.
12th day of the 6th month, year 1583
The monks received a prophesy last night. The looks on their faces concern me. No one will tell me straightly what's happening or going to happen.
For the first time in my life, I'm scared.
He watched as Eilonwy started talking again. He couldn't hear what she was saying, but he really didn't care; this was her time to express all her feelings that she couldn't express to anyone else. He relaxed into the tree, stretching his feet out along the branch, and closed his eyes.
"Shadow…" hissed a distant sounding voice. Shadow's eyes shot open. "Shadow..." Shadow pin-pointed the voice, and glared at the black smoke rising from the meat shop's chimney. He hissed and growled at the smoke.
"We need to talk, and now" It hissed back.
13th day of the 6th month, year 1583
The monks have told me everything that was foretold to them yesterday.
I'm going to die soon. The monks don't know when; the monks said it wasn't clear about that, but I am going to die soon.
Oh gods above, I live long enough to see my baby's face and hear him cry for the first time.
Eilonwy sighed again.
"Its weird not having someone to talk to." she said, looking up at the light purple sky. "I can't really write in journals; they're found too easily." She thumbed at the flowers in her lap. "I keep saying that everything is weird." She let out a small uncomfortable laugh. "And maybe it's me." She looked out sadly at the forest. "Maybe I just don't really belong." She felt tears welling up in her eyes. "I can't seem to fit in anywhere."
7th month, year 1583
The day after the first prophesy came in, another one arrived.
The Avatar will soon appear, but in order for this to happen, someone from the temple has to die; and it's me.
Malachi keeps asking if something is wrong. I smile and tell him no, but that façade has begun to wear thin. I am happy to be chosen for a mission for the Light God, but I did not expect it to be in this way.
I don't know how to tell him; I guess I never will.
Death never comes easy, even if it's foretold.
Tears began streaming down Eilonwy's face.
"It hurts to talk about you!" she cried. "It hurts everyone! Dad refuses to let your name be spoken in the house!" she pulled her knees to her chest and cried hard. "It's not fair! Why do I have to be the bastard child? Why did I have to be born?!" she threw the flowers at the small, rectangular stone imbedded in the ground near her feet. "Do you know how many hours and nights I've sat in my room and cried?" she screamed. "Countless!"
9th day of the 9th month, year 1583
I'm in labor! The baby will be her in a matter of hours! I can feel it!
The last few months have been a shock to me. The last prophesy stated that I would be giving birth to the next Avatar! I couldn't believe it at first, but the monks at the shrine have told me that I have all the tell-tale signs.
I've not told Malachi about the coming events, and I never intend to. This isn't something that can be prevented and naturally he would want to prevent it.
I've requested to Nanny Elaine that she hide this diary from everyone until my baby is 17 seasons old.
Shadow's attention immediately diverted from the smoke down to Eilonwy. She had curled up into a small little ball as she had done so many nights before, but this time was different.
'Is she in pain?' he thought, leaning over the branch to look down at her.
"Shadow!" The voice snapped angrily. "Don't you dare start ignoring me now." Shadow stood up, gave the smoke a very angry, one fingered gesture, and leaped out of the tree and to the ground below.
Only then will my child, my Avatar, learn of their destiny.
"My existence is shunned because of you!" She sobbed, slumping down and rolling on to her side, wiping away hot, angry tears from her cheeks. "Can you feel how much hate I have for you!" she asked the stone, as she stood up. "I'm 17 seasons old now, and I have no mother to pick fights with about clothes!" She kicked the flowers and sent them tumbling down the hill. "About boys!" she kicked the grass, sending a few blades sailing. "About anything!" she collapsed on the ground, as Shadow landed a few feet away from her. Eilonwy felt more tears streaming down her face as she buried her face in her hands. The soft padding of Shadow's feet drew closer.
"I hate you!" Eilonwy screamed, slamming her hands on the ground and scaring all the birds in the nearby trees. "I hate you for abandoning me! You are the worst mother in the world! I HATE YOU!" Eilonwy slumped to the ground, only to be picked up and cradled by Shadow.
"Shhh." He whispered, rocking her back and forth as the sun had begun to rise higher in the sky, turning it a blue color. "It's only me."
"I hate her." Eilonwy muttered. "She's not here for me, and it's my fault." Fresh tears began streaming down her face and on to Shadow's chest.
If it's a girl, she will be called Eilonwy, "bringer of light".
"It's not your fault." Said Shadow, wiping away one stray tear on her face. Eilonwy sniffled and pressed her face into Shadow's arm.
"I'm a horrible person." She muttered. "I've killed my own mother."
Hopefully, Eilonwy will realize that it's not her fault she was born into this life with no one to be there for her.
I just hope that one day she can forgive me for bringing her into this.
A/N- Dear God, no one smite me for sort of playing off the idea of the virgin birth. It's just a really cool idea. And please don't smite me for inferring my "christian ideals" upon you. I'm not that sort of person.
Oh! Check out me new Xanga while ye be here! YAR!