Enough was enough. I couldn't stand it anymore. I saw her everyday, gorgeous and perfect in everyway and so unhappy. I just couldn't do it. I thought about her every minute of every day and I made myself sick knowing that I was the reason that she was unhappy.
I wasn't as blind as everyone thought. I could see what I was doing to her, but I was powerless to stop it. She needed someone solid, someone devoted, and even though I was devoted, I was flighty. Too many years of habitual relationships, good-looking girl, make-out, have sex, mutual break-up. I was a player in a word and I just knew I would end up doing something stupid to Lola. I had been and I'd been trying to stop, but these things take time.
I was on my way to Scott's the day after Dave's proposal when I saw Lola in the park, alone, and I was completely overcome. I stormed up to her.
"What are you doing here?"
She looked up shocked, "James?"
"Lola, why are you here alone?" I grabbed her arm and tried to pull her away, barely noticing the tears on her cheeks.
"James what are you doing? What do you mean? Am I not allowed to go for a walk? I'm a big girl you know."
"Do you not remember what happened last time you were here alone?" I spat. "Why are you putting yourself through this again?" I said softer, letting go of her arm.
"Why am I doing this to myself? Jesus listen to yourself James. Lets put two and two together shall we?"
"Lola listen, I-"
"You what James? You were using me? You're volatile and can't trust yourself around me? Don't feed me bullshit James, try the truth."
"Lola," I sighed then turned away, back towards my house. "Come on." She followed and 7 minutes of silence later we were sitting in my room, staring silently at the floor.
"Why are you doing this to me James? I thought we had decided to be friends."
"Well...what? No, I- I-" she sighed. "I can't let myself be just another notch on your belt James." There, it was out.
"And I can't let you be."
"So then why- wait. What?"
"I can't let you be that either Lola. It wouldn't work for me, it would rip me up from the inside out."
"Then wha-, why-, since whe-.... What?!"
I smiled. "I can't let you be that, and I think I decided just minutes ago that risks are a part of life. But you have to understand something."
"What?" she was sitting with her arms crossed, staring at me speculatively.
"I have a past, and it is kind of promiscuous. There are habits I have that are hard to get out of. Looking, talking, being a bit of a jerk, but they're fading. Do you get what I'm saying?"
"I think so, and I think that I can handle it."
"I've got a lot of female friends."
"I'm incredibly touchy feely, I have no regard for personal space."
"I know." she smiled.
"James, relationships aren't supposed to be easy. It's the effort that goes into them that makes them worth while." she had moved from the recliner chair to the sofa beside me and held my head between her hands. "This will be worth while."
I pulled her down to my chest. I only wanted to hold her, keep her close, and I could feel her fingers grip at my shoulders. "Lola?"
"I think I'm in love with you."
"Do you believe in soulmates?"
"I think I might."
"I think I love you James."
I had to end this story. I'm sorry to those of you who expected more, but it was draggin along and making me depressed. There will be no epiloge, no THE END 1. This is it. To those of you who read it. Thank you! To those of you who reviewed... DOUBLE thank you.