I turned to my boyfriend, Jim. He smiled sweetly at me. We were at the gas station, his car need to be re-filled. I, however, need to empty myself.

I turned to Jim and said, "Will you hold my purse? I just gotta slip into the bathroom for a moment to refresh myself."

He smiled again, "Sure sweet heart."

That's when I turned my back and tripped off in my high-heels. In the bathroom I felt totally calm, I didn't think anything could wrong.

Meanwhile, Jim was having a little scavenger hunt through my little Louie Vittion knock off. In his smug little voice he was taking stock aloud: "Pad… cell ? One missing? Oh, what else we got here?"

Look, I use that missing condom to keep spare change in my locker. So sue me. He's lucky I can't find him today; otherwise he is sooo bitch-slapped.

At this time I was still in the bathroom. As soon as I heard screaming though I rushed out. The car was gone, Jim was gone, and the clerk was on the store floor squirming with his hands covering his eyes.

Look's like someone found my mace. The cash register was empty. Oh, yeah, he found the mace.

Well, now he ain't sleeping in my bed no more. He's got a nice bunk in the clink. My first official boyfriend, and he goes to jail. What a shame, oh well, who else we gots in the school phone book?

Author Note: The first 'Thing not to say to your Boyfriend' is in bold as they will all be. I myself do not have a boyfriend, so this is not personal experiance. I have never even seen a male condom in my life. I hope none of the above facts ever change. Thanks for reading, please review!