Authors note. This is something I wrote a while back, I know its not one of my best but I love the idea, it goes a little fast, this was a story I was determined to finish and I have so yay me, anyways review me, I could use some feedback, it makes me feel all squishy inside.

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Do you know what it feels like to have your whole world shatter around you for one second? Everything to be fine and the next you're drinking of the wine from hell. No, I don't suppose you do.

I was 7 at the time I tasted its bitter taste.

I was just sitting there in the back seat of the car, twisting the metal jig of my new Goofy watch. My parents sitting in the front seat chatting away about whatever it is parents talk about.

First there was the sound of the crash, the sickening "SCREEEECK-BANG" that horrible noise that you can't get out of your head, the sound that wakes you in your sleep, the cause of all your nightmares. Second was the jerk of the car, as it was pushed to its side, shards of glass rained on around me, cutting me up like I was a vegetable fit for soup.

I watch my parents being submitted to the same fate as I, bouncing around like rag cloth dolls, their legs and arms flailing about.

I could hear my mother screaming, she said no words, just screamed, that scream of death, the last sound that would ever leaver her.

Then we stopped, all at once, upside-down, my head on the ceiling of the car, watching my blood drip down around me. My Goofy watch hanging by my head, and I just hung there listening to the sharp ticks of my watch as it continued to tick on, obliviously.

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Then there was yelling, sirine's, and bright lights. Men in white yelling at me, pulling my mangled body from what used to be a car.

I watched as they pulled out the body that used to be my Dad, his head broken clear around, his dead eyes staring at me. I never did see my mother, as they loaded me into an ambulance that wasn't really an ambulance. An ambulance isn't what you think it is, it's something entirely different, it's the car that drives you to hell; it's the ride that tells you you're not going anywhere.

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They pulled me out onto a stretcher and carted me away. They took me to a hospital that wasn't really a hospital. For you see what a hospital really is the end, it means everything you once knew, everyone you loved is gone, this is the end of the line for you kid.

They took my Goofy watch but I could still hear it, ticking away, telling me, "you're running out of time, for I am slowly ticking you away."

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A funeral isn't really a loved one's death, it is a ceremony of your world ending. A funeral is a nice way of saying "You're all alone now, no one left to love you."

Why do they insist upon putting nice clothes on dead people? As if trying to say, "They died peacefully, not in cold blood, not hit head on by a 16-wheeler, and left to die by the side of the road."

I hated it, I wanted to built from my seat and rip the cloths from the things that used to be my parents. Force them to see their broken bodies as I had, have them say, "How dare he! What's wrong with that boy? Forcing all of us to see their true bodies, destroying the elution of a happy death, making us see the truth!"

It disgusted me, how they lied, pretend they were sad, mourned my loss. They all said "sorry" to me that day. I have no idea what they were apologizing for, but they kept on doing it.

I got so damn sick of it; every last one of them seemed to be inclined to say it to me.

"I'm sorry…"

"I'm sorry." (That your parents died)

"I'm sorry." (That you're all alone)

"I'm sorry."(That it happened)

"I'm sorry." (That you're still alive)

LIARS!

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An orphanage isn't really an orphanage, its really a prison with no bars, or the salvation army, where things go when they have no other place to go, and people can come and pick the one they like best and take them home.

Kids live their enveloped up in cellophane wrappers just waiting, wondering, hoping, "will today be the day." "Will they take me home." "Why can't I have a family too?"

Then one day it all happens, and a nice looking white bread family unwraps you and takes you into their home, you have a name again, but it's not yours.

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Then everything in your world becomes fake.

This is your home, that's not really your home.

This is the room, that's not really your room.

This is your brother, that's not really your brother.

This is our son, that's not really our son.

See? You're not real anymore, you're fake, nothing is real anymore.

These are not your tears.

This is not your flesh.

These are not your screams.

This is not your life.

Every other word that seemed to leave their mouths was: not really, in truth, in reality. I'm not really anything, I'm nothing.

Then your fake life that's not really your life goes on, hope abandoned, lost in that broken car, buried with the bodies that aren't really your parents, in that Goofy watch you never did get back.

I'm a shadow now, all the colors painted over in gray. I used to see color, but no more, I used to smile, but no more. I think I used to laugh, I can't remember anymore, it's been too long, it's been forever.

I don't remember how to be happy anymore, no more smiles for me. This is my forever, the gray life that isn't really a life.

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Everywhere I go, everyone I meet they ask me the same thing.

Why are you so broken?

Why are you so cold?

Why are you scared of love?

What are so afraid of?

So why, they ask. Why am I so broken? Why am I so cold? What am I so afraid of!? They all want to know what's wrong with me, well I know what it is, I know what's wrong with me!

You don't taste the wine of hell and just be "Fine" afterwards; you're never "Okay" after that, nothing is ever going to be "All right" ever again. I'm so tired of pretending to be happy, pretending to great.

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Stop…

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Stop!

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STOP!

STOP IT! Stop ticking me away, get out of my head, get out of me, leave me alone, stop ticking me away!

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Please…

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I'm so tired

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So very tired

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Please make it stop

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………

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