I wake up … too early,

My cat curled into the curve

Of my stomach, like a spoon.

I stroke her head and she purrs,

Warmly content in her familiar place.

A strange emptiness inside envelops me,

Barren as the inbox with no new mail.

It's an unfamiliar feeling.

To wake up in the morning,

Already knowing deep down,

That there won't be anything there.

I thought I'd let go,

Some hours ago,

But something prevents me

From getting on with the day.

It feels all wrong.

I get up and make tea,

And taking it up,

Switch the computer on.

Predictably, there's nothing,

Although illogically I wished

For something, even though I knew

That final goodbye meant goodbye.

So I re-read what was said

During yesterday's night.

Hastily hammered out,

Before it got too late to say more.

Feelings and emotions coursing through the wires,

Like frantic heartbeats pushing the blood

Feverishly round the body.

Trying to reassure, but probably

Failing miserably.

I switch off, trying to let go …

But it's hard … really hard.

And I want to be like my cat,

Curled up and secure,

Happily returned home from a lonely prison.

Sighing, the empty days begin,

As I make myself clean the house.