Little Miss Muffet: The TRUE story

Ok, you all know the nursery rhyme thingy:

"Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet

Eating her curds and whey

Along came a spider and sat down beside her

Scaring Miss Muffet away."

So. What REALLY happened after Little Miss Muffet was scared away by that spider? Well, let me tell ya.

Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Well, Little Miss Muffet (LMM to her friends) was just walking along, trying to find a tuffet to sit on to eat her lunch. Well, she finally found one (whatever a "tuffet" is. Can anyone explain? I guess I could look it up in a dictionary or something but I'm too lazy) and sat down. Well, she was just sitting there, innocently chewing (or whatever you do with) her curds and whey. Well, what do you know but a SPIDER appears beside her. "Hey, kid, gimme your money!" It said to her. No WONDER she was scared away! I mean, a spider was MUGGING her!

Well, she screamed and ran away, like the story says. I guess they leave out the "mugging" part because, after all, this is a NURSERY RHYME. I don't think Mother Goose wanted to SCARE the kids she was writing all these stories for…

So, after she ran away, she decided to get back at that spider. She joined a gang outside New York (which was where she lived, no WONDER she got mugged, lol) called the Jets. So, they decided they would find the spider and teach him a lesson for messing with a member of the JETS (I don't know where I came up with that name, so don't ask. It was just the first thing that popped into my head.)!!

They did a background check on the spider (whose name was Frank Spider) and found out where he lived. So they went with their assault rifles to get back at that spider!

The news article the next day said

Frank Spider Tragically Squished Last Night In "Accident", according to witness

Frank Spider was a resident of Spiderville, New York. He allegedly "mugged" a little girl. The little girl was a member of the terrifying gang The Jets, who "were gonna teach that spider for messin' with us," she says. They came with assault rifles, but it turns out they didn't get the chance to shoot, as others also held grudges against the spider. They all helped knock over his house and he was squished last night, at approximately 11:45 PM.

And that's the TRUE story of Little Miss Muffet.