I told secrets and dreams in my late-at-night murmur

My low and slightly-sexy voice

(you always said so, anyway)

Floating across the room to you

From the floor where I lay staring up at the plastic galaxy you'd made me

The yellow glow-in-the-dark stars shining down and

(you always said I looked better in artificial light)

I'd make wishes on plastic shapes

Because the real thing was too far away for me to touch

(you always said I was made of plastic and steel and that I was your doll)

And I almost laugh now because in my mind I can see your passive face

Relaxed and restful amidst the illicit smoke

And though you smelled of ash and forbidden addictions

I wished I could lie by you and soak you into my skin

(you always said I should try one, that I'd look so good with a cigarette in my mouth)

And somehow absorb your charm and ease and the grace that clung to your fingertips

Because all I ever thought I was

Was an awkward blow-up doll of yours

Who was never too sure of what to do when you were busy

And never more sure of what to do when you were bored

(you always said I could make you smile)

Because I was your psychic little lover that always knew what you wanted

Even when you didn't

And I always figured we'd burn out like the glowing end of your rebellion

But I never ever predicted the way you were going to grind me into the ashtray

And splinter and crush me into fine grains of narcotics and rolling papers

To blow away and be sucked up into the vacuum

And I never thought I'd become a killing kind of girl

But it seems I've become just that

(you always said I had murder in me)

And all I can do when I end it again for someone else

Is think back to your face hiding behind the wisps of regret and tobacco

And explain to myself one more time

How you became a need in my bloodstream

(you always said I was as addictive as nicotine

Then why did you quit?)