1) I mean I knew there'd be sacrifices-
Virgins mostly. But not a mid life crisis.
It was pretty lonely as Dracula's wife
Especially as dinner guests never come twice
2) But while Frankenstein's wife got a biopic
My fledgling career remained microscopic
And with those highlights! Makes you wonder…
My teenage dreams got torn asunder
3) Alone in the castle while he's out skulking
My artful pout soured into sulking
I wanted glamour but to no avail
Then his dark prince allure started to fail
4) We lived on takeout and watched bad TV
Ate teenagers who made the home delivery,
Poor blood cholesterol and getting too fat
He couldn't compete with the vampire Lestat
5) No more Hammer Horror, took up DIY
Llewellyn Bowen surely should die.
Switched our gothic chic to open plan
Painted the moat in eggshell and tan
6) Remodelled the crypt so it could resell
Daytime TV should burn in hell.
When his funeral suits were getting too tight
He brought a fast car and drove it all night.
7) He thought we should travel- not Venice or Prague
But get nice caravan and see the Algarve…
But I still need glamour, so he's quite alone
And whatever he says, a hearse is not a home.
8) Sleeping in separate coffins at night
It needs a blood sucking fiend to put this to rights
I know what I need, I'll have no remorse
So I'll get a good lawyer and file for divorce