"I hated you once..."

I could have sworn to god that I hated you.
There was always something wrong with what I said or what I did.
You never really gave me credit when I helped you out, not at all.
I remember one time I told you that I loved you, even though you acted as if you hated me.
That was a lie, you said to me.
Did you want it to be a lie?
From then on I realized it was hopeless, and why love someone who hates you.
So I started to forget about you, and it wasn't as easy as I thought.
You always wanted to have everything to do with me, and always wanted to talk.
And you said you hated me?
I hated you though, every ounce of me was screaming at me to let you go.
I let go of you once, but I cried every night, or I laid in bed thinking about you.
I couldn't understand why I thought I needed you, because I swore I didn't.
I went back to you, and the same thing happened.
This time was a little better though.
I thought I could deal with your crap for now.
But I was wrong.
You drove me to the extreme, and pretty soon I couldn't care less about you.
I took your pictures and ripped them into the smallest pieces I could.
I deleted your phone number out of my cell phone.
I ignored you in school and pretended nothing happened and my life was great.
And it really was, I really didn't care.
You called me and tried to settle things, telling me you were wrong.
But it was too late, I made up my mind already.
I didn't need you, and I didn't care about you.
I was beginning to see that you really needed me.
There wasn't going to be any more chances, I said.
Months went by and I continued to laugh and smile.
But when I saw you, you never smiled.
Not once.
The summer came and I saw you outside playing basketball by yourself.
I walked by, not even looking until I heard you say my name.
I didn't care what you had to say, but I turned to look at you.
You handed me a letter and begged me to read it.
I wanted to yell at you and ask you why I would waste my time, but I whispered okay.
You smiled at me, a smile I haven't seen on you at all since we weren't friends.
I wanted to smile back but I just turned and walked away.
It was dark out when I returned from my walk, and I saw you still playing basketball all alone.
There was a part of me that wanted to give you a hug and tell you everything would be okay.
But I ignored it and continued to walk as I heard you whisper "read it please."
I glared at you and walked faster, until I ran inside my house.
I threw the note on my bedroom floor and I forgot it there for a week.
By the time I remembered it was there, I heard something that almost stopped my heart.
On the news I heard someone killed themselves, and that someone was you.
I opened the letter, my fingers trembling.
"I know you probably hate me a lot. But I want you to know that I could never hate you. I know I never told you this, but you helped me so much I can't even thank you enough. It was so hard to express my feelings because I don't know how. All my parents do is fight, and I know they are going to get divorced soon. And having you with me is the only thing that kept me going. The way you cared about me so much gave me the strength to go on. I swear without you in my life, there would be no reason to breathe anymore. You're the only person I could ever trust with anything that I felt because I was afraid everyone else would hurt me....I just wanted you to know that I love you, and that I swear I'll never hate you. Words can not even begin to describe how much you really mean to me."
I dropped the letter from my hands, as tears trailed down my cheeks.
Why did I forget about this letter on my floor?
Was I really that cold-blooded?
All because of one chance I lost you.
I closed my eyes and whispered aloud,
"I hated you once...."