I'm a living dead girl-
Living without a pulse.
Once again it gets to me;
All my feelings of deadliness
So I go to the bathroom; it's the perfect place to hide
And it helps my feelings subside…
I scream your name but it has no effect.
The door is shut, the lights are out
I'm screaming since it isn't enough to shout.
I slide down the wall
And crawl up in a tight ball.
Myself I can't seem to find
So I scream everything that comes to mind.
My head hurts but this feels so good,
Probably better that it should.
It's been quite awhile and my mind draws a blank;
I'm not sure what's left to say
I'm just there in a daze.
I sit and listen
And hear laughter from downstairs
Like nobody knows or even cares.
The reality of my surroundings sinks in
And a renewed loneliness in found within.
I ease out of the ball and sprawl to the floor;
Still tucked but lying down
And try to slow down my thoughts going 'round.
Then I start back up again
Only difference is I'm not in a rage
Just filled with loneliness, sadness, emptiness…
I draw in tighter as tears stream down my face
I've lost my grip and have fallen from grace.
A sudden draft flows over me sending chills up my spine
I don't understand how people can be so blind;
They think that everything is all just fine….
I'm shaking from that sudden chill
As eternal loneliness continues to fill
And a few more tears spill.
I can't release anything more;
I've let it all out.
I'm only a skeleton with skin
Nothing is left on the inside.
I've screamed until my voice gave out
Cried until my tears were dry
My insides began to unfold;
My life is spinning out of control.