Words for Tyler
Wishing for the bus
Like a dying fish for water
Like a beginner instrument for music.
Wishing for the friend
Like a young girl with a secret
Like exactly who I am.
I've only told you multiple times
Like a flustered teacher drilling kids' brains
But I'm not sure that it's stuck with you.
Like honey to Pooh's dreams
But do you realize it's the truth?
Do you realize the gravity of the situation?
Like a parent, I grill you.
But I'm not sure you have...
All too often, you recite the words back at me...
And all too often, I feel fluttery inside
Like I've got butterflies
Like I've got frogs inside
And all too often, I start to wonder
If it's all become a habit.
Never a habit of mine, of course.
Never a habit from me.
But has it become a habit of yours
Every time you see me
To put up those three fingers
To recite those three words?
I'm nervous inside as I wonder.
I know I ought not tie you down
I know I ought not worry.
I know it's really none of my business
But I hope you can tell that I care.
What am I saying?
It's more than simply caring...
Like the reason why a gardener works with his plants
Like the reason why a scientist studies her research.
Most people would despise the work
Despise the thought
But these special ones, these gifted, joyous ones
Do their jobs because they love it.
And I know I haven't been in touch
And I know you may be wondering about me
And I know I haven't said these words since January
And now, they're almost erased from my memory...
But I love you...
And you may just be reciting
Like a student hard at work
To memorize for the grade...
But deep down I hope you're the gardener...
Who has meaning in his life's recitals.
And if you don't return the emotions,
It's okay, and I''ll heal
Never fully move on
But I'll heal all the same
And I'll let you get on with your own life.
The saddest thing now is that I worry...
I worry that you've forgotten about me
As easily as you could forget
If you brushed your teeth yesterday
And what toothpaste you used.
I worry that you've found someone else
And given her all that we had
If we had anything at all.
I can see your long hair and mischievous smile
I can hear your guilty laugh
I can remember your sweetness and the feelings I had
But the questions are all on you.
Like a nervous bunny, a doubting bunny, I ask you this:
Was it just me?
Or we sharing a carrot there--a spark--
Something we both saw...
And most importantly,
Is it gone?