Words for Tyler

Wishing for the bus

Like a dying fish for water

Like a beginner instrument for music.

Wishing for the friend

Like a young girl with a secret

Like exactly who I am.

I've only told you multiple times

Like a flustered teacher drilling kids' brains

But I'm not sure that it's stuck with you.

No--it's stuck...

Definitely stuck

Like honey to Pooh's dreams

But do you realize it's the truth?

Do you realize the gravity of the situation?

Like a parent, I grill you.

But I'm not sure you have...

All too often, you recite the words back at me...

And all too often, I feel fluttery inside

Like I've got butterflies

Like I've got frogs inside

And all too often, I start to wonder

If it's all become a habit.

Never a habit of mine, of course.

Never a habit from me.

But has it become a habit of yours

Every time you see me

To put up those three fingers

To recite those three words?

I'm nervous inside as I wonder.

I know I ought not tie you down

I know I ought not worry.

I know it's really none of my business

But I hope you can tell that I care.

What am I saying?

It's more than simply caring...

Like the reason why a gardener works with his plants

Like the reason why a scientist studies her research.

Most people would despise the work

Despise the thought

But these special ones, these gifted, joyous ones

Do their jobs because they love it.

And I know I haven't been in touch

And I know you may be wondering about me

And I know I haven't said these words since January

And now, they're almost erased from my memory...

But I love you...

And you may just be reciting

Like a student hard at work

To memorize for the grade...

But deep down I hope you're the gardener...

The scientist...

Who has meaning in his life's recitals.

And if you don't return the emotions,

It's okay, and I''ll heal

Never forget

Never stop

Never fully move on

But I'll heal all the same

And I'll let you get on with your own life.

The saddest thing now is that I worry...

I worry that you've forgotten about me

As easily as you could forget

If you brushed your teeth yesterday

And what toothpaste you used.

I worry that you've found someone else

And given her all that we had

If we had anything at all.

I can see your long hair and mischievous smile

I can hear your guilty laugh

I can remember your sweetness and the feelings I had

But the questions are all on you.

Like a nervous bunny, a doubting bunny, I ask you this:

Was it just me?

Or we sharing a carrot there--a spark--

Something we both saw...

And most importantly,

Is it gone?