even though these eyes cannot see you

sitting in the empty chair across from me

why does my heart not delve headlong

into the entirety of what you have done for me?

the wounds, the tears, the sweat poured like blood

what else did you do to return me to the light

did you picture me when all was going dim?

did you see all I had done before I met you

as the soldiers thrust a spear into your side

as your breath became shorter and your vision dimmed

the wrath I caused fell on you and drew you beneath

a brimstone river, courtesy of future words one day I'd speak

against You and Your love, when I was on the other side

or did you see the redemption you held in store for me?

why do I not sense as clearly as I might

this returning Warrior who may still bear scars, showing

plainly by the light of your heart what you endured to save me

why do I not leap at once into your spiritual embrace?

why so often do I turn away and pretend to be more interested

in what's going on outside the window, how the rain falls

instead let me close my eyes, focus on your long-ago darkness

that empty space of being forsaken by God

then followed by sheer triumph of judgment and love

in that darkened room I finally seek you

in solemn stillness without echo I will understand a tiny fraction

yet enough to stop me in my runnings and pull me back

darkness was your constant friend for me, You the Everything

condensed yourself into this poor flesh to take my hand

guide me off this quaking balcony of certain death

convince me you're real and hold nothing but love in that offer

outstretched across the heavens and time itself

and no more will I forget how you rescued me