I love her
When I am with the rest
I adore her
When I am solitary

Misplaced memories
Are never so reliable
As when they are idealised:
What would have been
If we still were lovers?
If I were still the world to her
And if I'd not spent six months enraged.

Those months were all I had
And each time I saw her picture
I would weep and beat my chest
Because I'd thrown perfection
Out the window.

I still can't look at you
Without tears
Or, shaking, cigarettes
My cold, dead hands
Are still locked around yours
And my eyes see nothing
But the tears I could not wipe away.

Something says I am about to return
To six months of dysfunction
But it would be worth it
Just to see if I am living in the past
Or if the past is still ahead.
I would have done anything
To keep you here
And I think I'm reaching that point
Again.

If I could live without you
I would not
I thought I could
But now I think
I need you hear again
My Mrs J.