Now and Then
J. Miller
May 28, 2005
I
"I
swear to God I'll never understand,
How you can stand there
straight and tall,
And see I'm crying,
And not do anything at
all."
"See I'm Smiling", The Last Five Years
June 15, 2006
Raleigh, North Carolina
Devoid of pain.
Empty.
Lost.
Alone.
I was all alone.
He'd actually left me.
What I'd taken as empty threats had been anything but. He'd actually up and left me alone.
Curling up in the tangled sheets we'd shared, I squeezed my tearful eyes closed. I didn't want to look at the mess he'd left behind…not at the empty Jack bottles he'd smashed against the wall or at the shattered pictured of us on the floor.
He was gone.
…And he'd left behind what he'd once considered his most prized possession…now tattered and torn, battered and bruised and broken, unsafe and utterly beaten…
Me.
July 28, 2006
Raleigh
It was just another typical day…the sun shining, people rushing to get to work. I wasn't hurrying for once. I didn't need to. I was actually ahead of my paperwork and my deadline. I'd been working harder since…
Forcing the thought out of my head, I entered a corner store for my morning usuals: a newspaper and a coffee – black, except for one sugar. The line inside was long, per usual, with people who shared in my morning ritual. So as I stood in line after gathering my items, I found myself glancing at row of glossy magazine covers. Britney's face lit up Cosmopolitan, Orlando gazed at adoring fans from the cover of Seventeen…and there he was…on the cover of Rolling Stone.
Cigarettes, Chords, Late Nites, and Life Without Lana
Before I could even comprehend what I was doing, the magazine was in my hands, haplessly balanced between the coffee and the morning paper. Flipping through the pages, I tried not to spill the hot black liquid I was holding, as I tried to find his article as quickly as possible.
"You want that magazine?" the cashier, a college kid named Max, asked, pulling me out of my zone.
"Oh…uh…yeah, sure," I managed to say, as I stepped up to the counter and placed my items down upon it. I gazed at him from the cover of that magazine and I could literally feel my heart ache. Before I could stop myself, I said, "And give me a lighter and a pack of Camel Turkish Silvers, would you?"
Max gave me a sad smile and got the cigarettes and the rung me up. I paid and just as I was about to leave, he said, "Things will get easier, Lana. Trust me."
Once outside, I rushed towards my bus stop, just as it rolled up. At least my luck hadn't failed me like he had all those months ago. Climbing aboard, I took a seat, and with balance and shaky hands, began to read.
Author's Note: It's short, I know…but there will be eleven other entries in this. It's just under 40 pages…so it's not super long, but it's longer than a simple short story…so it's going to be released in pieces. Pay attention to the dates or you're going to get lost really fast…erm…nothing else. I'd like to know what you all think. This has been the first time creativity has really struck me at all since I left for school…so thoughts and comments are appreciated.