(Plans were made,
Plans are broken again.
Can't help but crumble,
Because I can't touch sunshine,
For another weekend.)
I fall back on a sharp edge of filth
He holds me close 'cause he knows something's wrong.
He fucking well knows he's standing in my path
Of frenzy, while I desperately grope for something
To hold on to.
I hate the way he feels,
The way he breathes in my ear.
But when I break down I'm so easy
To take advantage of.
His words are bullshit, but I need to hear them,
Need to know I'm not invisible.
He mistakes my moans from biting my lip,
Trying not to cry out in disgust,
As sounds of yearning.
I cringe when he smiles
Like he thinks he knows.
And God it hurts,
When he pulls me into him.
But I need to know,
Need to feel,
That I'm alive.
The scratches on my arms are from
My own fingernails,
Trying to rid of the dirt I feel like.
And he fucking thinks he knows
Why I'm shutting my eyelids hard,
And digging my fingers into my palm.
He knows I'm not okay
It gets him off,
The way I'm so easy to hurt
When tears blind good judgment
And my heart's so cut from continuous broken plans