Pretending

Anger.

Hatred.

Sadness.

Depressed.

Loneliness.

And a million other emotions that most people will never feel.

I hate feelings-

I hate to feel.

I need something to take the overwhelm away

To make me emotionless;

I don't want to feel what I am feeling.

I want a blade

To take away the pain,

To take away the emotions.

Fuck wanting to feel alive;

I want to feel dead.

I want the kiss so much-

The effect of a kiss only a blade can create,

But I can't….

I promised…. I promised I wouldn't

So I sit here,

Pen in hand

Getting this out so I don't have to feel it inside eating away …

I can go back to pretending-

Pretending that I'm happy….

It's working- I'm numbing-

Numbing my pain, body and heart…

I am numb,

I feel nothing.

Pretending.