NUMBERED UNTITLED

What stood beside me as patience slowly slid down my throat and crawled into my failing lungs and made it so i could breathe again. hold my hand, hold my hand it will be a painful breath to take, but oh so necessary, isn't all this necessary? they say its completely necessary we must learn from our mistakes. this is the last one i will make i promise. i was never any good with those but this time i want to show its going to last, not only will you see that, but i can feel it, they will smell it beneath their noses.

banned from the tired lines of the broken down, here to catch some warmth before drifting off into the cold.

i wait quietly, i watch through the dirty windows.

i stand shaking i watch with eyelids half closed.

something had to have taken part in this,

something had to have made it happen.

something has done itself to me, and made it so that i can breathe.

under broken ribs and punctured lungs the air floods in and takes its place where it knows it doesnt belong.

and it begs to leave.

but i hold it in.

hold it close though its thin.

my mind holds on to everything.

so warm and dull.

agitating whatever is left under my skin.

i would explain my feelings better but i wouldn't know even where to begin-

can you tell me where it ends? what stood beside me all this time and did not give a damn but to watch the goings-on. it had to have been something. more then something with a barrier. and i have made promises more then you could count for me, and all had been broken lest i forgot them, and if they ever did return i'd probably throw them across the room anyway. but this one i will wrap it up in the veins so recently replaced to once again own my heart, and carry it in a canvas made from the strongest parts of my soul.

i am faulty and shimmering with lies,

i am ignorance and stupidity in a weak disguise.

i am angry and wicked.

maybe silent, at my best.

done on your part, it was completely unnecessary. what made them think they had the right to insert you into my chest. ever so slowly your donation was laced in circles around my heart.

and for me to sit here and stare at my floor, knowing how i cant remember a thing about it . and maybe it was a dream that never happened. or had you come down and in my imagination you had even bothered to make me insane. had i even thought you would waste your time, then perhaps that could explain..

but i could swear under everything i haven't yet discovered, that would mean the world to me.. no.. far far more. i would swear on it, and i would promise, that if they shattered my ribs once again, a reopened my heart, i know they would find your essence there, beating miserably at the core.