I held the blade to my wrist and directed it towards the heavens, rain splashing down on me.

This is the only way...

The memories flooded back and tears threatened to fall.

Me and you,

You and me.

That's how it always was. Hanging out, talking, laughing. Playing video games in my basement on weekends until our fingers felt like they would fall off if we played one more round. I remember only being able to survive a through a tough day at school just because of the thought of seeing you, talking to you, being with you, later that day.

We stood up for each other. When I got made fun of, you were there, by my side, to fight off the bullies. Then you would take me home with you and hold me tight while you dried my tears as they fell. I did the same for you.

My mom was always paranoid, thinking of the things we could be doing on those long nights we spent out together. I just ignored her, because deep inside herself, even if she couldn' t find it herself, I bet she really did trust us.

My life at home wouldn't be exactly what you would call "wonderful." My parents argued with my sister non-stop, all day. My mother complained about how no one did anything, my dad complained about my mom complaining, and my sister complained about them complaining. It really was a no win situation. I kept my mouth shut most of the time. I learn from past experiences that there was no point in arguing. You just got shunned aside and became more upset and usually got in trouble for getting into something that was supposedly none of your business.

But I thought it was my business.

It was my family too, right?

I started questioning that after just a few months like this.

I started to feel like no one cared that I existed. I was invisible at home, that is, until my grade came into to focus. I was mostly a "A" and "B" kid, but lately my grades had begun to slip down to B's, C's, and even a few D's. I was frustrated, but when I would go home to study, I would either get sidetracked by an argument between my mom and my sister, an after school activity (which I knew isn't a good excuse), or for lack of a better word, fell into a depression. These "depressions" became more and more common, but obviously no one knew about them. Feelings of self-doubt and sadness became part of everyday life for me. That is, until I got to see you. You brightened my day, made life worth living. How could I survive without you?

Our first kiss was no doubt memorable, at least for me, being my first. Never did I ever think that my first kiss would be so passionate. I remember every detail to this day. We were fighting about something stupid and you had pinned me up against a wall. I was actually enjoying being pinned up against the wall by you, a ridiculously sexy,' whoa! Where the hell did THAT come from!' I remember thinking. I felt my cheeks redden. You were yelling, as was I. But I wasn't listening to what either of us said. Some strange force had taken over me after starring at you, into your deep silver-grey eyes for just seconds. I fell into a trace and it wasn't demanding anything less than your lips against mine.

Oh the wanting I experienced for those minutes that followed that moment was unbearable. I was going crazy! Melting in your eyes like I did oh so often. But this time was different. If you hadn't shut your mouth and leaned in for the kiss a few minutes later, I bet that horrible, yet wonderful and satisfying wanting sensation would have gotten the better of me and I would have done it myself.

I was surprised at first. Never in my entire life did I think you felt the same way about me that I did about you. But as your lips pressed tightly against mine, I realized that it was true that anything could happen. Your hands grasped mine tighter than I imagined possible, and pushed me gently, yet firmly, into the wall. The kiss deepened and I let your tongue slip past my lips. And how very talented that tongue was. It dueled with my tongue like I never thought possible, exploring every crevice of my mouth.

You released my hands and placed one of yours behind my neck as the other found its way down to my waist. My hands found almost the same positions around your slender, yet muscular form. We were both sweating lightly now. One drop of your perspiration rolled down your cheek to where our lips met, but that didn't stop it. The drop just continued its journey down my chin, my neck, and eventually was absorbed by my t-shirt.

Our hands found each others again I was pushed back into the wall once more.

My whole body was pressed unbearably tightly against the wall, but I didn't notice.

I had never experienced bliss like this before. It over powered me. When you pulled away, I slumped to the floor, pleasantly breathless and gasping silently for air.

That was amazing. I thought looking up at you.

I already wanted to experience it all over again.

I wanted to savor that feeling forever.


Forever was a long time, but I felt like I finally deserved happiness from life.

You were it.

The one and only thing that kept me alive.

Your dark hair feel into your face as you looked down at me, and then sat next to me, leaning against the wall.

I remember hanging out at our house one day right at the beginning of Winter Break. We were watching a movie in my room and out of the blue, you started to tickle me. I started to laugh uncontrollably. I turned over on my back and found you straddling my waist. You leaned down closer kissed me lightly on the tip of my nose before tickling me more. I melted as I gazed into your silver-grey eyes. Breathless now, and gasping for air, I seized my chance. I flipped over again and found myself on top of you. Now you were the one gasping for breath. Falling onto my back next to you, I began to laugh. It turned into a sigh. We lay there for quite some time holding hands, just enjoying being in each others presence.

After you left that day, I was resting on my back on my bed. I remembered how good it felt to have you on top of me, tickling me. Suddenly, I desperately wanted it back.

I guess I took it all for granted, until that fateful day.

We were driving along the highway in the pouring rain. I only held the steering wheel with one hand. Why? Because the other was grasping yours tightly, like it never would again. Little did either of us know, but that would be the last time I held your hand while you were alive.

"Do you remember our first kiss?" I asked sweetly.

"How could I not?" you answered softly. The sweet expression you wore when I looked at you was enough to make anyone go crazy.

You smiled at me and squeezed my hand back. I starred into you deep eyes, and oh how deep they were. I wanted to drown in them again.

I did.

That's how it happened.

I woke up on the side of the highway, what felt like days later, although it had only been a matter of minutes. I saw my car wrecked on the side of the road, the traffic flying by like nothing had happened.

What happened? Where am I? Where's......

Then I saw you lying next to me, blood trickling down your face. I tried to get up, to cradle you in my arms and tell you everything would be ok, but I found myself to be too weak. I put every ounce of strength I could muster into reaching my hand out to hold yours. Even though you weren't conscious at the moment, I still thought it would comfort you, and if it didn't, it would me.

I looked up into the sky. The rain splashed onto my face washing away the trickles of blood that flowed down my cheek, and I remembered what had happened. Recollections of the past had distracted me, and your eyes. My hand slipped from the wheel. The loud screeching, flashing lights, before I lost consciousness. Waking up and pulling myself out of the now wrecked car. Then going to help you out. Falling next to you, I lost consciousness again.

No one was there to help us that night. I guess no one does care about me or where I was. But didn't anyone care about you? I wondered why no one had called the police to tell them there had been an accident. After about an hour, I felt strong enough to get up. I rose and then got down on one knee next to you. I pulled you up so your head was resting against my thigh. Your eyes flickered open slowly for what would be the last time and a small smile crossed your face followed by quiet coughing and low moans of pain.

"I-I c-can can't h-h-hold on......any..more...." you whispered, grasping my hand tightly.

With that, your eyes closed and you fell limp in my arms.

No! No! I screamed helplessly in my head .

Not you, anything but you...

But you were gone, and never coming back. I looked to the sky, rain drops falling in my eyes.

"Why!?" I screamed to the clouds. "Why?!"

Then my tears began to flow. They mixed with the rain. I had never felt this helpless.

Then something I hadn't thought of before passed through my mind.

I had killed you, my one true love. Me.

I let my hand slip off the wheel.

I got lost in your eyes. Those eyes, the ones I would never get the chance to get lost in again. I brushed your hair behind your ear and groaned sadly. I shifted my weight and pulled my out pocketknife.

I held the blade to my wrist and directed it towards the heavens, rain splashing down on me. I was crying harder now. I had to relax though, if I wanted this to be as pain free as possible. One quick swipe and it would all be over. The misery at home and at school, trouble with friends and family, and the harsh reality of life in general.

"If could barely make it through the day with you, how can I go on now that your gone." I whispered to you.

I looked away, took a deep breath, and pulled the knife down swiftly. My wrist cut easily and the blood flowed down my arm like a river. I smiled once more, looked down at you for the last time, took one final breath, and blacked out right there on the side of the highway, you in my arms, in a pool of my own crimson blood.

I was finally out of my misery and I don't think anyone cared.

A/N: I had a bad few days. So what? Hope you enjoyed it. Please Review .