CHAPTER ONE – OVERCOMING THOUGHTS
And the thought pops out of my mouth before I even knew it existed in my head. The closeness of his body, not on purpose, makes me shake. And I shrug in my seat, trying to look small, so that he might not notice how big my heart seems when he is near. I hold tight on to the armrest spot, unaware, because of this stupid nerves that his hand is resting in the same exact spot. Then time freezes, just like that it stops. No noise, no movement (just the one inside my heart). He looks at me, I shiver and then laugh, I laugh uncontrollably because of how stupid this situation really is, but still it feels like something new. He laughs as well, sharp, contagious laugh burst out of beautiful perfect teeth. At that exact moment in all I could think is that I want him to approach to me, like if I was a damsel waiting for a prince in shining armor, for a first kiss of true love. As he seats up straight again I force myself to push these thoughts out of my mind. I don't want them in here, they are annoying, and they force me to flush. I want to keep it cool, not to freak him out, and to act as if he was nothing more to me than a friendly stranger I had just met. I think I want to puke, with all these nerves inside my stomach, I don't feel fine; I think I lost most of my senses. I think that with one insignificant glance he could be able to figure out all the thoughts inside my mind, all the words clenched behind my teeth. All this new sensations, I wasn't even aware existed. Then I feel a thousand butterflies stretching down my body, they drain all in me. I'm afraid to talk, because a butterfly may escape from my mouth. I'm afraid to look at him because thousands of sparks may escape from my eyes- and then he'll know. I don't want him to know- I'm afraid of what he'd say. Damn myself and my stupid low self esteem. I was never really the type of girl that steals glances from guys. I was never clever or lucky in that aspect. But for the first real time I feel the necessity for him to notice me, and love me for what he sees, for what I am. His dark blue hair glistens with the little rays of the sunset that appear throughout the window. I want to brush his hair, it looks so soft. I almost convince myself that he makes the sunset and controls all the colors stretching through the wide sky. He bites his lower lip and his piercing shines, illuminating the whole place- sending thousand shades of light of different colors. I want to kiss him so bad, to be the piercing he holds tightly in his lips. His leather jacket is blue, like his eyes that resemble a sapphire. Everything in him is blue, hopefully not his heart as well. I can't avoid looking at him, then at the floor. He runs a hand through his hair, it seems like he is nervous. But he can't be he is so secure of himself. So I'm the nervous one.
Kyle is talking, something about a gothic coffee store or something like that.
Allison replies and says she may as well paint her hair in purple colors.
Everyone talks- everyone but me- I can't keep my eyes off of Liam, Damn him and his beauty. He places a hand on the table and he grabs his cup of coffee. His blue nails hold tightly on to it. I want to touch his hand so bad, I want to be the cup of coffee he holds tight.
I start to bite my black nails. The paint is chipping off but I'm so nervous that I don't even notice. My hands are trembling as I try to hold on to my own cup of coffee, but it slips. And now everyone in the table turns to glance at me. Liam leans forward and grabs three napkins and starts to clean up my mess. He gives a half smile and I melt I forget to reply back or thank him for cleaning the black coffee sprung across the table. He seats straight again and begins chatting. His deep sharp voice goes through my ears and I daydream about him… I actually become deaf to any other noise that is not his voice. That's why I'm not able to hear Marcus calling me, or Rachel tapping my shoulder.
"Emo…" I hear Marcus once again, the pink haired boy just interrupt my daydreams.
"Wh-What?" I offer a small nod trying not to blush at the fact of knowing that Liam is looking at me.
"We should get going." And with that I stand up and wave good bye to everyone- to him.
I enter to the black door at the middle of the hall in this school grounds. Marcus is behind me he picks the front row sit and moves his arm indicating I should go and sit there. 8:30 o'clock, just another normal day in Barkley School. It's just another one of those stereotypical high schools. Where you get to find every type of people.
The jocks and preps are as usual hanging around the door, talking loudly so that everyone turns to look at them as if they were awesome. They rule the school; I'm not one of them.
In the back row of the classroom are the nerds or wise asses. The ones everyone always steps on. The type of nerds that wear glasses, dress like grandpas, and the ones the jocks usually bother. As for stealing their homework or just simply make fun of them.
In the front row are we, the punks. Blue, yellow, orange, purple, green hair. Piercings. We are the ones who receive dreadful glances for the jocks and disgusting glances for the preps. Marcus, Rachel, Kyle, Allison, Grace and me. Emily Atwood. Emily green and baby blue haired freak. Emily nose and tongue pierced freak. Emily shy punk freak in love with Liam Carter- blue haired hot freak.
Mr. Harris enters the classroom but the preps are still laughing and screaming- talking about Lacoste and new make up shit- airheads.
Mr. Harris places his old worn out bag on top of the desk. He takes out of it an arithmetic humongous notebook. God I hate math. The nerds in the back clapped excitedly and took out their calculators. I can't focus myself on numbers and letters with big exponentials hanging from the top of their heads I'm to busy thinking in Liam-again. I'm waiting anxiously for the class to end and lunch time to come so I can be able to seat with him at the same table, and maybe for a chance talk to him. Not that I had make a big improvement for the last weeks. I am a monosyllabic girl every time I'm near him. I just mutter simple one syllable words such as-
"Divide?" Mr. Harris interrupts my thoughts by slamming a ruler on his desk top.
"Divide? And how can exactly you divide that Mr. Lacey?" He glances at Darren a blonde arrogant prep. He smirks and bites the end of his pen.
"I was hoping you tell me."
Carter- back row nerd- stares in awe and let out a deep sight out of his mouth. Darren shots a dreadful glance towards his way one of those sort of 'I-will-kill-you-when-the-class-is-over' glances.
Suddenly the discussion is interrupt by someone snoring.
Kyle has fall asleep, as he did two days ago on chemistry class. It was hilarious the way he was snoring and Mr. Harris try to wake him up. But Kyle just opens up his eyes and tells him to let him rest for other ten minutes. Darren is still pulling up his act. And I can't help but notice that Michelle Charrington smiles at him flirtatious. I couldn't avoid noticing how pretty she looks today, wearing a mini skirt and a halter top. Her blonde large hair falling slightly up to her shoulders and her lips gloss looks tempting. My mind wonders how I- Marcus Costopolus became obsessed with a girl like her- a prep.
She places her head on her hand- which is resting on the desk. Today she is wearing pink and blue bracelets – yesterday she had a black one. Her fine large fingers start playing with her cheek.
She keeps looking at Darren and my heart starts to ache. I stop to think for a minute- before I turn to look at Emily that looks as she was daydreaming about a certain blue haired boy. I scribble with my pen 'Love sucks' at the end of my notebook. Indeed. I look at what it has done to my once cheery friend- and now when she is around Liam she doesn't even speak. Everything had been different since we have been hanging out with him. Allison met him at literature class, and since then he's been one of us. Unfortunately for Em, she has really fall for him, and he doesn't seem to notice.
Suddenly I feel a red haired head looking at me- I feel my cheeks begin to flush and I can't keep myself from looking back at Grace.
This class is boring. Pi is boring; algebra is boring, screw Pythagoras, screw mathematicians. Who needs them anyway asides from the ones in the last row? Instead of doing this nonsense bunch of confuse numbers and letters I let my hand take control of my pencil and start drawing across the lined paper. I flush when I become aware of what is it that I'm drawing- Marcus- I rip of the paper and pretend to be looking somewhere else that don't involve Marcus.
But Damn. He involves all my space. And then it happens my green eyes met his hazel ones. He stands a bit ashamed and offers me a smile. My heart races the usual beating. I start to think that maybe that smile means something more than it seems. Then I stop- Marcus- my best friend, funniest guy I've ever known doesn't see me in that way. He is obsessed over an airhead who would never notice how cool or beautiful he really is. And he had been obsessed since Middle high. I bit my bottom lip and start to wonder at what exact point I started to fall for him?
Bell rings! Lunch time! I'm hungry, which always happens after I wake up. Wait a minute here; have I fallen asleep again? I open up my grey eye; I find a whole of light and people muttering around me. Me head lifts from the desk and I met two pair of green annoyed eyes.
"Mr. Lettuce" God I hated my last name it sounds like a vegetable… Hmm it is a vegetable right?
"Yes sir?" I focus my gaze on the angry professor.
"If you ever fall asleep again in my class, don't even bother returning back." That was harsh but tempting.
Everyone makes their way out to the exit; in there Emily and Lis are waiting for me. I hold Allison's hand and smile at Em, she seems nervous all of a sudden… why is she nervous?
"Emo are you nervous?" I ask she stares at her shoes and back at me.
"Uhm so pretty obvious is that?"
"Yes" Lis shot me a dirty look.
"So why are you nervous?" I ask her again.
"Liam" a simple and concrete answer.
"Why would Liam make you nervous?" Lis sighs impatiently.
"Oh my god! wait a minute! DO YOU LIKE LIAM CARTER?" Emily flushes even more and I receive a hard kick from Lis. I don't understand why but all of a sudden all the glances are on us. Emily just tries to look cool and starts walking towards the cafeteria, looking for the table at where Liam lays.