Dying Inside

By: Taintedhappiness

When I cry alone at night in the sickening silence

I die inside bit by bit until I am left with emptiness,

Nothingness of a soul.

And I cry for him,

For the hope,

The chance

That one day we may be together.

And I think of him each second of the day and night,

Though he is always on my mind,

I know I am rarely on his.

When I am with him,

I forget all the pain and torment he has caused me.

And all I see is my much awaited happiness,

Lying in his heart,

Waiting for me to unlock the door,

To open the gate,

And release our love to be love for each other.

I pray each night that one day he will be mine...

And me his...

Though I know that that day is much more a fantasy than a reality.

And when I dream

I dream of him loving me,

And holding me in his arms and kissing me,

Whispering to me of how much he loves me.

Then I wake up to a deafening silence in my room,

Much like my heart,

Which after being mended so much,

Cannot withstand to beat any longer.

It is falling apart,

As each day goes by,

Without his love I am a garden untended.

Brush and weeds grow around it,

No longer looking appealing,

Just an overgrown brush that you don't want to tamper with.

My spirit is fleeing and leaving me with none.

With my heart,

Along with my long gone happiness,

It is fleeing from the bowels of my very soul.

And now I am left with my mind,

Which is slowly deteriorating as the days go by, with each lie he tells,

False truths are all it ever knew.

Now along with my untended heart,

It is falling apart,

Turning to ash as it falls to the earth,

Shattering the world.

I'm dying on the inside you see, but why can't he just love me?