stop breaking me and hating me and making me crazy with affection for yourinsaneperfection. boy i wanna melt into everything you say, wanna dance in everything you do, and drown drown drown until i drop dead deep inside of you. unpeel my frozen lips, and kiss me once again this time mean it and bring my world to life, for i've been sleeping in this unbeautiful limbo for far away too long. slice open my frigid chest and replace the heart you took away when you decided to tell me how wonderful she was and remind me how nothing i could be.

somewould lable it tragedyhow your perfection cuts through me something chronic, till im screaming at myself to stop it because boy you're rotten and no good for me and my already shaking fingers.

and in the unlikely event of my dreams its in your head i climb and i dont care what i find, as long as you're there. but i saw the way your glitter dust is falling off, and i wonder if you're there at all and maybe you're just this shell of what i want and what you could never be because i've built you up to be some kind of magical miracle man in my digital wor(l)ds.

its everso creepy because i could tell you when your laces are undone, what colour your eyelashes are and where you left your biro. but you don't even know that i paint my toenails pink, let alone think about you everytime i laugh. I tried to give you up, but like the father who can't stop drinking, the mother who can't stop eating and the sister who won't stop cutting, i can't stop crumbling into you like you're my darling life support.

and ive told myself a million times ive got to learn to look the other way, but like a unicorn dying you're so mesmorizing and inviting me to paint your picture perfect face and etch it into my mind so not even closing my eyes is enough to get rid of your grip. one day i'll rip, i know it, and i'll slip into a coma and if you really want to hurt me then keep on going the way you are. because only you can stick me back together again, or maybe thats just something i sing myself to sleep with because you fill the void of all my disasters.

so tell me how does it feel to hold my entire galexy in your freezing hands? knowing one wrong move and i'll snap clean in half, leaving the broken girl he threatened to make me before you came along and redecorated me hopeful. and every day when i see your face i silently plead for you to spin me a spider web reality where we hold hands and dance in sunsets and tell each other the world will be alright on a midnight beach background, please.

because whether i need you, want you or hate you you make me who i am today. my sick bag beauty, my transfixed cruelty to every way you ignore me. but whoever you are

and whatever this is

please god,

tell me theres a pill for it.


insidently, this is dedicated to the boy in many of my poems. and i really want this to be my last. this left me quite breathless to write.