I am The Martyr

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the strength to do what is right in the face of it." Quote from J.Johnson

This quote, I have read, time and again. It sits posted upon a wall in my bedroom just at the foot of my bed. Every morning when I wake, my eyes open to read those inspiring words; and everyday I apply it to myself.

It's normal for people to have any kind of fear. Spiders, heights, death, for some little ones, the dark. Just about anything. Myself, I have no fears. I feels it's ridicules to live your life being afraid of what may or may not be easy to overcome. My pity goes out to those who can't help but be afraid. Mental or emotional disorders, I know it must suck. But I'm referring to the ones who are scared of pitiful things.

I see kids who are small and not very strong go through their day terrified of some bully who refuses to leave them alone. Bastards like that thrive on knowing others are afraid of them. They feed off it. What victims don't realize is that deep down inside the one they cower before, they themselves are cowering against something much more. They go looking for a fight with someone weaker then them just so they can feel big and proud; inside they are holding a grudge against someone or something, in an area that everyday they fight a loosing battle. But I stand before those types, a defender of what I believe and a protector of those are afraid to have a voice. I'm not trying to ward off every pig headed jerk out there. I just feel it's right to stand up for someone when no one else will. Show them it's okay to fight back with your voice.

I do admit that I am shy. Around someone new to me, I am a young women of very few words. But to fear someone who is nothing but flesh and bone such as myself, seems degrading to me. I'm always up to meeting someone new. Doesn't mean I have to trust them though. I trust no one, yet I still refuse to surrender myself to them in terror. I know I've been taught to be cautious around strangers. A lot of sick freaks who would hurt, given the chance. But they are human like me with the same weaknesses; They have a heart, a stomach, a liver, 2 kidneys, a face and throat. You hit one of these, your bring down the brute.

The long time child-like fear of the dark is an unfortunate trait among many. I feel that it's a real shame. The night is a perfect time to be happy to be alive. The stars and moon above, in all their glory as they smile down upon you, fills you with such a miraculous feeling as they shimmer in your sight. Like you could stretch out the wings you never realized you had, long enough to take flight with the shadows that make up the darkness you see. they have the eyes that will not judge you. But instead will embrace you as an equal to all that is alive in the dark. There are things you may see that will raise the hairs on the back of your neck. The one's who go bump in the night. I am one of the few, who bumps back.

People fear loss. Loss of friends, family, no one wants to be alone. Not even me. I would be horribly devastated to lose someone I care for. But I don't fear the fact that it could happen. Anyone would feel the pain of loss is someone died. It's what makes us human. But death hold no terror to me. It's just another part of life. Another part of growing up. But I won't lay myself down to die. I'm going to give myself a good run. When I go to my grave my head will be high, knowing that I lived to what I always wanted to be.

I've had many people turn their back on me in the past. All because I was too trusting. There was a time when I feared loosing certain friends. Feared it so much, I'd let them win an argument, even when I knew they lied or that I was right. Then I grew up a little. I realized, if this was going to be the case, they were never truly worth my time to begin with. True friends don't lie to one another. No one needs to beat around the bush to protect my feelings. Finding out about their dishonesty hurts worse then anything. Don't lie to protect me from getting hurt. It's not you who angered me, I let myself get mad.

Times change, as do people. I still see myself as fairly young. I have a lot of learning and growing to do. Life is always going to throw obstacles my way. I just hope and pray that I will overcome these hardships without ever becoming tainted by fear. To always stand in the face of it and do what's right in my eyes. I will always remain the mayter to my belief on fear. Because deep down inside me, I know, that I fear no one. I fear nothing at all...

But that's what scares me...