Apology of Sorts
by: trista groulx

I'm sorry for everything
I'm sorry it came to this
It was never him
At least not the him you know
Nor my jealousy
It was something else entirely
Something in the past
Something you may not remember
Something I'll never forget, though
It was never about him
At least never the him you know
It is about a him who is gone
Taken to they say a better place
All about a ghost I can't let rest
I'm so sorry,
Sorry for all of it
Sorry it had to come to this
It was never you nor him
Nor even jealousy
Thought that's the spin I gave it
It was all old feelings
Old feelings allowed to fester
To churn and grow within me
Do you even know who he is?
The semester before you met your him
I lost someone then,
A good soul, a kind soul
And I don't remember your support
I don't remember your shoulder,
Nor your ear
And that's where it started
That's when it all started
And I'm sorry it came that
But I never thought I'd see you again
And if I did I could ignore you
But when I couldn't anymore
I came with my quills out
And I thought you knew exactly why
It was never him
At least, not the him you know
Not the him supports you now
And can't help me now
I'm sorry for all of it
I should have never let it get to that,
But I did
And now I'm paying the price
But still I can't forgive, exactly
And I'm sorry for that too