Funny, what grieving can do to a person. There were drugs, nervous breakdowns, even prostitution popped up as one of the many things I could do to 'get away.'
I just did what was necessary. Homework, chores, making sure Donnie didn't bust a limb. The days are so monotone…
Karyl did catch me not eating at first. Boy, did she have a cow over that. I just didn't feel like eating is all, but we all know Karyl interprets that as 'I'm anorexic'.
Having nothing better to do, I just do random homework, schoolwork, extra credit-
It's frustrating when there is no more to do, because that's when my world goes blank…and has no purpose.
To the onlooker, I may have looked consumed. I suppose, but it doesn't feel like I have I life anymore, so I just fill it. The scariest part about those facts is, I did that over the summer; just took classes so I would have no free time to think on me- or my problems. Study zombie syndrome got the best of me.
Stupidly, I ended up skipping a grade, which I had no intention of doing. I'm kind of mad, because people around me have the very wrong impression. As if I wanted to really do something with my life and go far, when I don't really give a damn.
Ferris, being my best friend and wanting to spend time with me, bit the bullet (really hard I might add) and followed me to all my classes, did the work in silence beside me…
She and her teachers were dumbfounded when she skipped right with me.
We all had a laugh when Karyl and her mother were jumping crazily with joy and looking into all these quality colleges.
So here we sit…Ferris and I, in embryology/anatomy B, the most brain draining place on the face of the earth. Never let the school pick your electives for you.
"Okay, I want your papers on the cardiovascular system of the neonate done by next Monday and page 154 in your blue text. Class dismissed; and if you're going on the scientific discoveries trip, I'll see you on the bus." Mrs. Madeesen says, nicking the board with her chalk as we get up to leave.
Scientific Discoveries…I think I've had enough scientific discoveries to last me a lifetime or three.
But of course we're going; I owe Ferris the trip she wants to go to for a summer of study hell.
Nothing too big according to the brochure. New ideas, small projects. What its like to work in a research lab, what's in there, what does it do. Bla bla.
"What'cha thinkin' about?" a voice blows behind my neck, making me irritable.
Yeah, I know who it is.
Some senior who thinks he's the universal gift to females everywhere. He really gets on my nerves because I just don't want to get in a relationship with anyone. Ever again. It reminds me of…things I don't like being reminded of.
"Nothing." I sigh, standing to exit into the mob of students gnashing against anything foolish enough not to keep moving and fast.
"Couldn't be 'nothing'. You shy girls are always thinking about something 'cus ya never say anything." He trails behind me with a smirk, waiting patiently.
"Hey, hey! You have violated rule 101 which says stay the hell out of her bubble. The bubble has a five foot radius; do the math." Ferris pops up out of nowhere it seems, waving him away with her hand and pulling me into the hallway.
"Anyway, the first thing I wanna see when we get there is the cafés. I wonder if they have those wacky ones where the put all kinds of crazy stuff in the coffee, like mangos." Ferris squeals as we walk. Mango coffee? Ew.
Finally our lockers appear, and we hang on the handles for dear life as the crowd of students tries to drag us under.
"Let see what's behind door number one!" Ferris says in a goofy voice as she swings open her locker.
Door number one contains an avalanche of stuff that, when disturbed, comes tumbling out. Books, pencils construction paper; you name it- it's in there.
"AGH! I'm being attacked!" Ferris rolls n the floor among the objects, making a scene… again.
Opening my own locker, I take out the duffel bag tucked in my locker, with Donnie's teddy sticking out of it.
Once Ferris picks up her things, and finally squeezes her luggage out of her locker, we head towards the buses sitting patiently in the drive way outside.
Jean laughs and smiles; but I could tell you blindfolded that she's still screaming inside. I should be listening to the leader of our group for instructions and rules rather than reflecting on life, but you know me.
It hurts double 'cause I miss him too. All those death glares and eye roles. Pssh, I shouldn't think on it too long, or the water works will let loose.
We're staying at these nice apartment suites; the kind with nice fluffy towels and kitchens. So of course they have to stuff six of us to a room.
"Hey, Goth girl; wake yourself. For we must unpack so we can go exploring." I say to Jean who gives me a tired look while letting herself fall on the bed. She wore all black today, and naturally, I can't let that slide.
"Mrr. I'm tired Ferris. We'll unpack tomorrow it's ten-thirty and the trip was long." Batting me away, she tosses a pillow at me causing one of the other girls to notice.
"So what's your name? You seem excited to be here." a girl with dirty blond hair in a giant clip says to me.
"Well you can't pay 200 dollars for a trip and not be excited. The name's Ferris, the game's talkin'. Your turn." Identify yourself victim. Muhahaha.
"Breanne. So you're interested in learning how to change the world through science?" Breanne says enthusiastically.
"No." I say simply. Boy, she's really into this stuff. Jean had to drag me through the learning process by my toes.
"What? Why are you here?" I think she's looking for someone as obsessed as she is. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the irony. I could care less.
"I came for the coffee. I hear they're beyond Starbucks here." I feel Jean's foot nudge me in the back as I say this.
I still can't believe that, as empty as my head is, I skipped a grade.
Cadi…if only you were alive right now. As much as I love the fact that I skipped ahead, when Jean's empty and lost, I am too.
Well, Ferris got her coffee and the supervisor of the tech building is going to pop an artery. Why? Because she drinking it while near the machinery; but what can he say when fifteen other people who work there have the similar steaming cup?
Anyway, If Ferris spills on drop, the people who clean here are going to throw her out a window. The place is sterile, impeccable and filled to the brim with 'clean' looking colors. Florescent lights do you in, sight wise. This, of course is what most of us came to learn about. Lab work, projects, basic rules and knowledge of the place. But I didn't come here for that or anything else, so my mind wanders. My feet move and move, I barely notice. All my mind can conceive of now is the smooth icy surface of the metal on the walls.
"Momma? What would you do if I was a flower?" a memory begins to bloom in my thoughts as the cold sting of the metal on my fingers begins to warm.
"Chiquita, you are a flower." The voice of my mother says smiling just enough to contain an amused laugh.
"No Momma, I mean a flower, flower." I say smiling just as big.
"If you were a flower? Why, I would put you in a garden by the window where I could see you, and make sure Señor sun gives you all the light kisses you need to grow."
Wouldn't life be easier if you could stay four years old?
My group sounds distant. Did I really walk that far? As I think to myself, my hand bumps into another metal something protruding out of the wall.
Actually, now that I'm focused, I realize it's a door. Keeping my hand on the handle, I give it a slight jiggle, just for something to do; see that, like I assumed, it is locked.
But it's not.
Hinges scream in a quick breath as I open the door. Light teases the darkness for a moment as I enter, but leaves when the door is shut.
"Hello?" I should just be quiet. I should just leave. Too bad my brain is in my head, and not my legs, because they clearly can't think as they take me forward. Darkness hides the light so well, I can feel my pupils stretching in order to find it. My hand searches and searches for something solid, fluttering this way and that. All I can sense though, is the floor and the constant plip-plip of dripping in the distance.
Suddenly my hand hits something metal, scattering several things on the floor with a …
The stink is so bad; I don't even want to know what I spilled on myself. A weak old dead something that died in vomit is what it smells like. Swiftly, I run away form it, managing not to vomit myself.
Where the hell am I going? It's so dark, I don't even know where I ran towards; the door or deeper into the room. You would think that considering how much I've been through, I wouldn't be so afraid. In my case, I think it's the opposite.
Tears sting at my eyes with fear and the efforts to see…anything.
My foot slides forward on something slick on the floor where I step sending me racing down into the darkness. Screaming the whole way down I hit something else, hearing a lot of glass breaking and metal clattering with me as I hit what I suspect is the floor.
Everything smells thick and rancid, and something sticky coats every part of me that is on the floor. Feeling dizzy from the impact, terror and smells, I fell my throat convulse and empty the contents of my stomach somewhere in the darkness.
My foot nudges something solid; I'm hoping with all my heart it's a wall, so this dark hell will at least feel more like a room.
Crawling over to where my foot touched, I put my hands on it and sigh, because it is most likely what I was hoping for…and more. In the grope to find the wall, my hand brushes something that feels like a switch. Carefully, I stand to my feet, trying not to slip and push the light switch on.
At first the brightness of the florescent light burn at my eyes making me squint, but I eventually am able to open them.
Over turned metal carts scatter their contents all over the floor; broken beakers and metal tools lying in disarray…
Stinking clear-ish fluids, with organs pooled in their midst.
But worst of all, the body of a dead man in a large puddle of blood, his veins and muscles glaring bare as most of the skin has been chaotically ripped away and folded as a pillow underneath his gory skull of a head. His eyes look horribly wide and monster like, rested in muscle and bone, no lids to contain the screaming.
None of this man is fresh though. He stinks as if he has been left at least the better part of a week… and I know that I have been slathered in this mess.
Wrenching to the side, I dry heave until the bile comes, vicious and thin. Weak and shaken, I turn to try and find my way out, but there is more still.
A figure floats in a clear tube, like the ones I saw a long time ago. I feel my breath catch, trying to ready me for something horrible…
Walking up to it slowly, I put my hand on the glass, but it's so cold…like ice. The figure floats absently, and now that I'm so close, I realize it's just a thing. It looks like a wax human that stayed in the sun too long…so long it's skin melted over it's face and it a became featureless monster. But it's real, made of real skin.
Snatching my arm back to myself, I feel the tears I've been holding begin to surge like the result of a broken dam. Gloomily, I look to my side expecting more horrors for my tear blurred vision, and see a broken glass tube with blood splattered all over it, especially on the jagged edges of the glass itself. That's probably where that man was until it broke or whatever…maybe it was so crazy that it clawed its own skin off. I don't know. I don't care; I just want to get the hell out of here.
A hand grabs around my neck and slams me against the broken glass, sending me howling and screaming in agony. Ragged knives, each piece of glass tears into my skin like the hungry mouth of a beast.
The hand lets goes, but only to kick me hard in the side, knocking the breath out of me and sending me whole body slamming into the wall like a rag doll. Before I can even hit the ground, the thing that attacked me saves time and lands on me crushing me back on the floor to grab my shoulders and just keep slamming me back on the ground.
"HELP ME! NO! NO!" I never had a chance…
"Jean?" My head suddenly stop banging on the ground with this bewildered voice.
"Please…I didn't… mean any harm." I try again to beg for my life. If only I hadn't come here. I should have stayed with Ferris. I-
"Jean…beautiful, I'm so sorry." The voice says again.
Wait…how does this thing know my name?
Opening my eyes I see wet hair hanging in strings over one deep blue eye that so mellow and swimming with feelings and a icy silver eye the pierces deep with the help of the bright light.
I almost can't breath under their power.
"You're alive?" I manage to breathe, still crying.
"Yes. Very much." Those lips…on my cheek. This can't be real.
"But…how…I just knew-" I stutter in a small whisper, trying to explain my confusion. I felt him die.
"I know, I know. I was dead. It's complicated." He whispers nest to my ear.
" I can't believe I almost killed you. I thought you were the lady with the keys." He smiles at me, still stroking my hair roughly, but it's nothing compared to what he just put me through.
I smile, thinking of how I got in. "The door was open."
Pausing, Cadi gives me a look and smirks "Well I'll be damned."
Again we meet in a marriage of heaven and hell.
And I haven't been more content.
Yes, I did die…I imagine you felt it. The spell died with me. Being in that weak a state, I was easy prey to be pulled over that life and death line.
You couldn't keep me there for long.
The only thing keeping me dead was your hold, Terr. But I proved that I am stronger.
Although waking up in one those damned incubators grated on my nerves;
I'm so glad you're safe in my arms love.
Now you can be forever safe with me.
Dark of dark…I travel the route of life. What do I fear? Limitation. But I will not fall. I will be mightier. Then no one can limit me. I accept you wholly and willingly. Won't you come? Be with me. You are beautiful. Won't you please come to me? Into me. Be a part of me. We shall be immortal. My light has gone. Dark of dark.
Wow that took me a long time… !43 pages of non stop agony. But I had so much fun on the way! Many thanks to those who read this and have read this. Special thanks again to those who stayed with me the whole ragged way! Up and downs, crazy banshee ranting and many other random things.
I still post a WARNING for grapefruit, for I indeed ate it the whole time I was writing this crazy crap!
If you liked this story you can either a) bug me to write a fresh one.
b )read my other stories.
Chibichan366-no it wasn't the end; but I hope you like the real ending! -glomp- special thanks to you for being one of the fastest to read the updates! Thank you!
TornAce- -cackles- I know I'm teh 3V!L 0N3 !!!! I even had him kick Jean's A$$!!! (winks) hope you enjoyed the ending, or you can bite me…either way I'm glad you read my stories. A VERY special thanks to you for reading all of my stories. Never fear- I will finish the rest soon.