Its days like these I wish I was the person I used to be

I've grown so used to helping others that I am unable to help myself

I wish I didn't care so much

If only I could forget all these things and start out new

What I thought I did so long ago

But when all is revealed

You learn secrets about yourself that you never knew

When everything takes its last weary breath

Pain shimmers through its lonely chest

I stumble through the front door

Shutting it quickly

My last attempt to shut the world out

I softly count the steps to the dimly lit room laid before me

Sitting on the bed

Head firmly pressed into rough hands

Hands that have touched such beautiful things

Carried such heavy burdens

Worn out by thoughts of the long light ahead

It seems to be too much to take

Wandering through the room

Rummaging for an unknown substance

Some elixir to take away the pain

Agony to a certain extent creates pleasure

My eyes light up with wonderful fear as the weapon of choice touches my trembling fingertips

Anxiety creeps through my tightening veins

A smile plays across my swollen lips

A smile flashed at people with so much hatred

Faked daily

Clearly distinguished

Quick to be forgotten

Slowly gripping my hand around the red knife

Twirling it between my index and middle finger

Making it seem like a game

A competition in my mind

That I always lose

Staring deeply at the compact case

Shining in the night

Reflecting the light falling upon its many facets

Gently, I push my thumb against the knife

Releasing it from isolation

Introducing it to my lonely skin

Capricious decisions result in my pain

My hands crave this small blade

Running my smooth fingertips along its edge of sheer brilliance

Softly releasing my rage

Drawing it across my arm

Slowly, with precision

I begin to shiver with morbid delight

Its ruthlessness takes no pity

Slowly tracing my veins

Plotting a map

A collision course of where I should go and what I should do

The light flickers

Theweapon pushes deeper into warm flesh

Biting through my shield of confidence

Surrendering me to pain

Drawing me closer to death

Right where I want to be

I love myself right now

The way my hands tighten as my thumb presses into the knife

Angling it into my skin

Blood seeps from my throbbing veins

Dripping onto my legs and pooling in my lap

Watching my self imposed hell fill my thoughts

I escape my dreams and drift off into reality

Warmth seeps down my jeans

Sticking to my legs

My skin grows tight and clammy

A thick sweat emerses

Drowning me

Suffocating me with the rope of my own life

Choking me with my abundant mistakes

With a final slice, my revenge on myself has ended

Weary and bloody

The knife drops to the floor

The object intended to cut problems out of my life

Has failed me once again

Looking over the bedside at the blade covered in my own blood

Seeping from my veins

Poaring out my life

One drop at a time