Shit myself a friend
Put him on a stick
Called up the media
Told them his name is Fred
The news viewers "oohed" and "aahed"
The corporate heads hurrahed
Everyone got their fair share
And I got my headline

But with analysis in hand
They're criticizing my friend
They're poking and prodding with glee
They're having fun with it
A national spectacle
With insidious affects
A war by politicians and propagandists
Over a piece of shit!