The Punishment I Deserve

To watch the scarlet trickle across your skin, To see your face as you lie in the pain I have caused you,
Is to thrust a blade deep into my heart.

I am torn by myself,
Ripped apart by what I've caused myself,
It is you who pulls my heart in two but I have provided the chains.

Tear my mind, dominate my every thought,
Its what I deserve from you, its everything you should put me through,
Yet it is me who subjects myself too it.

I punish myself I torture myself with gifts from the demons, from them, through you.
It is not you who hates me; it is me who hates myself.

To hear you tear down my letters,
To let you have no idea, no idea what is going through my mind,
Another blade through my heart, straight through to yours.

I look at myself,
I look at all that I have done to you and realise; it is not me who is doing this,
I don't provide my penance; this is no penance for all I have done,

To watch you as you sit alone,
To be able to let myself put you through this, I have gone easy on myself,
This was no torture, a thousand nails into my flesh would be but a penalty.

I allow myself,
To take the penalty I deserve, I watch it all happen to me, the scarlet trickles,
I tear down his letters, my heart breaks in two, I let it all drift away, in one swift movement.

It can all go away, and this time, it is he, who pays.