There's a time for everything in life. A time to live, a time to love, and even a time to say goodbye. I've lied for eight years of my life for one person to those I love and those I care about, just to be with another that I care for... one lie piling up higher on another... But where is the line drawn? Where does one cover up stop for another? I was told to stop talking to him, told to never make contact… but I did anyway. After a while that line that's supposed to be bright and obvious, fades away into nothing. Even with the warning bells going off in my head, I stepped over that barrier many a time, just to talk to him and do things not in the rule books. I've hurt too many in the name of 'friendship' and 'love'.

I loved him for those many years, but became scared when I didn't want to say no. Whether he would have gotten angry or not, I didn't care… I didn't want to hurt him. He never asked me to lie… even though I did equally on either side… wanting both lives…

And then another came along… something I needed with all my being… someone willing to listen to me when I said no, willing to hear me out… someone who wouldn't question my thoughts as to why I think the way I do. I became torn between the two… but wanted something solid… something real… something not a fairytale. He never asked me to lie… even though I did equally on either side… wanting both lives… both men…

In one direction I had the neon danger signs that faded in their glow, a man below it with open arms and a warm smile. The other doesn't have those faded and staggering warnings, but still with a man having open arms and a warm smile. On one side I get stomach pains… nausea at the thought of more deception, more lies that will deteriorate me no matter how much I want it. The other I get butterflies and security, knowing what I have, whereas the other way I still don't. The knowledge of both sides of fence is strong within my mind.

I knew the time was there to say goodbye to my fantasy… and hello to my reality for both men cannot exist in the same together. I had to make a choice, which one? Which one?

He never asked me to lie… even though I did equally on either side… wanting both lives… both men… but not anymore. Goodbye, my fairytale, even though you are just as much apart of reality as the other. I cannot love you anymore. I cannot lie anymore… I don't want to feel sick…

"Goodbye…" I say in a hushed whisper, turning to walk away, trying desperately not to look back, no matter how loud the cries are, even amongst my own. Every time I glimpse out of the corner of my eye in the direction of what I am leaving, my stomach goes into knots again, as i go to salvage what life I have left with the one I chose... almost destroying it with the lies I've given too easily.