Prologue

Often you will find that the lives of "normal people" are in fact not quite as normal as you might've expected. For instance, did you know that your banker is actually a black belt? Yes, you know the one I'm talking about. YES, he is the one with the stuffy suits and the comb-over that he admires secretly in mirrors, windows, and rain puddles. And then, I must inform you that your lunch lady, yes, the one with the neon-green hairnet, is actually a dominatrix. No need to be alarmed though, I'm sure there are PLENTLY of 60-year-old women who enjoy leather and whips and chains.

No, I suppose you're right. There aren't.

And the fact of the matter is, there probably are not too many bankers out there who have black belts. But there might be! Oh yes, there might be.

The point of revealing all of these shocking events to you (Did you know your hairdresser is actually a transvestite leading a secret life as a man named Bob who has three, no, wait, FOUR children? I'd forgotten the youngest, dear Sally; cute little girl with red hair. Quite pretentious, though.) is to prepare you for an event.

This event is, in fact, quite factually, is fictional. Or is it?

I bet you never expected a 60-year-old lunch lady/dominatrix.

Unless you're just one of those kinds of people.

Consequently, I suppose it's about time to tell you there's a key to another dimension in your closet.

PLEASE, DO NOT PANIC.