Talent Show

Part II:

Faster, faster, too fast

No way to stop it

I can feel it drowning me

Losing control faster and faster

Finally no way to think

Mind gone, left,

She's a long way away

While I'm in the handicap stall


Crouched tight on the floor

Head connecting to wall


Over, over, over, do it again

More, more, more, don't stop


Red haze covers blind eyes

There is no sense of pain


Rhythm hides the voices

Able to ignore the failure


"Brandy? Are you in here?" Nikki.

No name recognition, no change


"Is that you, Brandy?" Kari.

No acknowledgement, nothing but rhythm, punishment


Door flies open, Kari rushes in

Her hands on my head "Stop! Brandy!"


No! No! No! Not finished!

Never break cycle! Mustn't! Never!


Nikki, immobile and wide-eyed

Kari calm, strong, "Brandy, stop. Right now."


I'm more powerful when she is gone

I release from Kari's grip as she looks on


"Brandy, stop, stop." Kari calls

Far away, as always no escape


It was ending, subsiding

As quickly as it had begun


The blur becomes shapes, faces

"Stop." Kari taking me away from the wall


Body stops fighting

Suddenly becomes limp

taptaptap (knuckle on floor)

Falling into Kari's arms

Strangely starting to cry


Heart-wrenching sobs

When there's no rhythm, no blood

The horrid tears will flow


Everything around me crumbles

Heavy over my body

Caught up in my chest

Wishing the tears would stop

Wiping eyes, trying to breathe

"Come on, stand up," Kari says.

I can't talk, voice still gone

The crumbling world shifting through my hands

Kari and Nikki attempting to piece the fragments back together, a hopeless feat

"Nikki, hand me a wet paper towel please."

To me, "Stop that, your mascara is already running, let me fix it."

"Come on, let's get out of this stall."

Pulling away with a short cry, I want to sit down again

Rubbing my eyes, forcing a breath

"Stop! Now I've gotta fix your mascara again!" Kari.

"Are you okay?" Nikki finally speaks, touches me gently

Then pulls back, as if I've burned her just on contact.

I try to look up at her, constant blinking

"Come on, let's go. We need to get back."

Yanking me out of the stall, the main door opens, a quick glimpse of flower pattern

"Oh God, it's Allison!!!" Flinging back into the stall, hiding in the corner

First words I've said, caught Kari by surprise, she lets go

I wipe away the remaining tears, force the smile, put on the mask

Mustn't let her see me cry, turn around, come out strong, with dignity

Running to me, little arms opening wide, grabbing me into a hug

"You were so great Brandy!!!" Blissful scream, "Spectacular!!!"

Beaming eyes, "I'm so proud of you!"

The pain is so intense. A 3 yr old leading me to tears, something new

"Thanks sweety," My voice cracking like a dying frog. I set her down.

Sunglasses over eyes, I push Kari and Nikki away

Walking outside, no jacket, open-toed high-heeled shoes

There is fresh snow falling, everything's so cold, I freeze for 20 min, head throbbing

Crawling into bed, knowing I will never stop being cold, silent, in pain, alone

A perfect ending to a perfect talent show