The smell, lingering under my nose

Blood has a distinct smell

Like sex you know?

Tastes like metal.

What?

Where's the little girl you have tacked up on your fridge

I killed her.

No wait you killed her

You saw me drowning

With words swarming above me

"Lesbo"

Or better yet my favorite

"Freak"

Smothering my innocent child like appearance

"Poor her" you laughed

Then spit

I wiped it off, mumbled under my breath

And swallowed the words

I "put them in my little toe"

As my therapist says

"Oh, she has a therapist she must be crazy"

Well when your whole body is scarred

Because you can't control yourself around anything remotely sharp

I think a therapist is a good idea

Though she doesn't really help

Makes me feel worse actually ironic ain't it?

"Jess let's talk about your mom"

Makes me want to fly out of my chair and slit her throat open with my pinky nail

Then laugh and fly out the window

Sounds brilliant.

I was trying to remember when and where I went wrong

I think it was when I realized it feels good to hurt

Maybe when I was seven or so

Jumped out of tree

Scrapped my leg

And laughed.

Must have been then

Like I've mentioned numerous times

My childhood is still a blur

Drugs, sex, violence

My family couldn't have been worse

They tried sure they did

Look where it got me.

I still smile you know

"Yes auntie I'm fine"

Then run to my room and slice my thigh open

And sigh in relief.

Orgasmic.

I don't get why you insist it's bad

You keep me drowsy with pills

To numb my pain and suffering

That's why I cut

Same purpose, so why is it taboo?

So what if I hit a vein

Let me die

I still have yet to figure out why the hell I'm here anyway

To clean your house?

Pick up your dogs shit?

Baby-sit your kids?

Heh.

I'm like a robot

I can't show emotion or everyone else will be too overwhelmed

That's okay.

No really it is.

I'm fine, you keep buying those disposable razors and I'm happy.

AN: I love this. Really I do. Ha-ha. I'm such a happy positive person