Chapter 6: Alone

No one saw Daniel until the next weekend. Jacob, in the bed next to his, thought he could hear Daniel moving in the night; but he slept all day, his head under the tangle of covers. They were the only two in the room when, on Friday evening, Daniel sat up and said that he should probably go see Brandy.

Jacob stared. "Where have you been?"

Daniel gave him a funny look and said, "Where do you think?"

"You're going to go? Just like that?"

Daniel let out a slow groan and fell back. "I don't know. I feel sort of lethargic."

"You're very behind. I brought your work." He gestured to the bedside table, stacked with papers.

"Thank you, Jacob, I can see that."

"You don't have to be snippy about it."

"I'm not being snippy, I'm being as rude as I can muster the energy to be," he said automatically. He wasn't paying much attention to his words.

"Tom's been covering up for you. Are you really sick?"

"Yes," Daniel muttered, dragging his palm across his face and yawning. "Mm. I should get going."

"Jenna was asking about you."

"Yeah? What'd you say?"

"She didn't ask me."

Daniel made a grinding noise in his throat. "What did whoever she asked say?"

"It's not my fault she doesn't know who I am, you know. You don't have to be –"

"Who did she ask?"

"Tom. He told her you were sick. I don't think she believed him."

Daniel wondered why not, but he didn't feel like wringing it out of Jacob. He rubbed his hand against his face again, and then rolled over. "I should probably go see Brandy."

"That's what you said."

"Who am I kidding, I'm not going anywhere. No, I am. I have to get up."

"It'd probably be a good idea."

"My internal clock is all mussed up. Mussed up like – hey, did I ever tell you about my mom's jam?"

Jacob stared.

"She makes it every summer, out of the raspberry's out back, and sends me a box of jars." He made motions in the air, a large box, and went on. "I muss it up – this is where this is coming from, it's an expression we have in the family, mussed up like Faye's raspberry jam. More or less. Anyway. It's great. She takes out the seeds, do you know that? Greater love hath no mother, I can't stand the little buggers. Well, not quite." He fell silent. Jacob cleared his throat.

"Where –"

"It's mostly because she –" Daniel stopped. "Were you going to say something?"

"Where did this come from?"

Daniel laughed, and Jacob looked worried. It sounded like Daniel was choking. "I can't even remember. But it's –" He coughed. "It's mostly because I like spitting the seeds as much as the jam itself, like watermelon, nu?"

Jacob was confused. "Never mind," said Daniel. He stood up and swayed slightly, saying, "My internal clock is all mussed up, like Faye's raspberry jam. I'm gonna have to stay out all night. Don't be too worried, Jakey. Where's Tom?"

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Jacob believed himself to be in love with Jenna. Daniel couldn't think of it as loving, thanks to Jacob's complete lack of initiative; he had never spoken to her. Besides, he was always in love with someone or other. Daniel didn't blame Jacob, Jenna was rather striking.

Part of it might have been that Jacob was a small boy, with a few nervous habits that shot whatever was left of his ego when he had gotten through the ranks of boys twice his size who liked to push him around because of that. He was all right one on one, from what Daniel had seen. He was awful in crowds was the problem.

Daniel needed to find a crowd that night, though, before he fell asleep. He was surprised to find Jacob following him at a distance as he crossed the lawn. Perhaps their conversation had spurred him to new heights of weirdness. It was hard to say. He wasn't sure where there would be a party; there had been talk of one in a twelfth years' dorm, but he hadn't heard the final decision. He knocked on the door of the building with the loudest music, and it was flung open. He went in, waited for Jacob to catch up, and shut the door.

It was low-key, as far as these functions went. Everyone was sitting around drinking, a few smoking hash but that was just a good way to get caught. Daniel felt Jacob take a deep breath next to him, and shiver. He crouched behind Jenna and said, just loud enough to be heard,

"It's me. Don't get too excited."

Jenna jumped, her head snapping around. "Danny! Where have you been? Are you all right?"

"Of course," Daniel said, smiling widely, she thought tensely, across the room. Pansy was already climbing onto him. He tried to detach her, failed, and shrugged at Jenna. "Duty calls," he said. "Come on, Tom, let's see if we can make anything happen."

Tom was sitting next to Jenna. Jenna put a hand on his arm. "What are you talking about?" she said.

"I'm talking let's go, Tom. Are you gonna come, Jen?"

She narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Don't be a square, babe. Relax." He dragged the word out over his tongue, massaging her shoulders as he got up. "Tom," he said.

Tom went with him. Jacob took his place. He was terrified. Fortunately for him Jenna was a little put out and ready to talk.

"Daniel is a terrible influence," she said to no one in particular. "Sometimes I wonder if he's a good person at all."

"Sure he is."

She didn't know who it was who was talking to her, but he was also listening, so she thought she'd better give him the benefit of the doubt. "Tom is going to be in so much trouble if he gets caught. Do you know him at all?"

"Pretty well."

"I'm his girlfriend, as it were. Otherwise I wouldn't care."

"Oh, I'm sure you would," he said. He was really earnest and equally misled.

"No, I wouldn't. But his father is –" She made a face. "I can't even describe it. Do you know him?"

"Mr Greenwood? No."

"Neither do I, I just hear stories. He's extremely… austere," she said. "To put it nicely. He's a nightmare. Completely runs Tom's life."

"Pardon?"

The music was loud. She stood up and grabbed Jacob's hand. She pulled him after her, outside. It was chilly, but she hadn't taken off Tom's jacket when she got to the party. She leaned against the wall, hands in the pockets, and said, "His father completely runs his life."

"Daniel's?"

She shook her head. "God no. Tom's."

"Right," he said. They didn't say anything else for a minute. The silence was stretching too long.

"It's not even that, though. Tom's got it all laid out, he's got this whole great life ready for him – he's so smart, you know? But Daniel doesn't care about anything, as far as I can see, which is fine if that's what he wants, but I don't want them both to go that way."

Jacob was smiling a little. She thought she recognized him by what little light there was from the windows. He looked better if that was the one, he had seemed anxious when she saw him before but he was relaxed now. "It sounds like you'd care," he said.

"If what?"

"If you weren't with him."

She started to speak, stopped herself and started again. "This is going to sound dreadful," she said.

"Try me."

"I always sort of thought of Tom as a way out for Daniel. Do you know anything about him?"

"Daniel? Not too much. What I've seen."

"He's pretty screwed up. And there was Tom the golden boy, all set up to set Dan up. You know? I want Tom to be okay so he can make Daniel okay."

Jacob was looking doubtful. "I told you it was bad," she said.

"No," he said, cautiously, "it makes sense. But why are you with Tom, then?"

She shrugged. "Why not?"

"Don't you like him at all?"

"Not in the – classic sense," she said. "He's okay, I guess."

"But why? Why were you with him in the first place?"

"Daniel – I must sound crazy. Daniel wanted me to give him a try. A test run." She laughed. "Tom thought I'd be a good idea, and Daniel thought we'd be a good idea. What was I going to do?"

"Doesn't Daniel mind that you don't care about him at all?"

"About who? Tom? I don't know. I haven't seen him in a week."

"He wasn't sick."

"I thought he probably wasn't. What was he doing?"

"Sleeping, mostly. I think he was up all night and slept all day. I don't know, mind you," he said, seeing Jenna's expression.

"What was he doing? What did he do all night?" She was bewildered. It didn't make any kind of sense. "Do you see why I don't like Tom going off with him? Tom needs to stop him. No one else can. I know I can't."

"What are you going to do about it?"

She wrapped the coat tighter around herself. "I don't know. I can't stop them. All I can do is get after them, and I can't keep nagging at them." She frowned. "It's not fair. To Tom, I mean. I get after him because Daniel won't listen, and I feel like if one of them figures it out… What was your name again?"

"Ah – what?"

"I just realized I don't know who you are." She smiled worriedly. "What am I telling you this for? I need to go get Tom out of there."

"I'm Jacob."

"Fine," she said. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Isn't that nagging?"

"Well, what am I going to do?" She was angry, at Daniel. "He can't keep screwing up like this."

"I thought you said he was all right." Jacob was growing more confused with every word Jenna uttered, and hurt that she wasn't the goddess that he had supposed. "Who are we talking about?"

"Daniel, who do you think?"

"You were getting Tom out?" Jacob didn't understand.

"Yes, for Daniel. He's screwing up again. He's going to wreck everything."

"What is he going to wreck?"

"His life, I don't know. Will you come?"

She was looking at him all of a sudden, she had turned back. He swallowed. "All right."

They went in. Tom was very drunk.

"Tom, let's go," she shouted. He looked around.

"What?"

"Let's go, Tom. You need to leave."

"What for?" He was hunched to talk to her, leaning on her and breathing in her face. She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"God, you stink. Get off me."

"What the fuck – Jake? Jakey? Jacob? What's your name?"

"Jacob," Jacob whispered.

"What? Jen, what are you doing with him? What's he doing here?"

Daniel came up behind him. "Shut your mouth, Tom. He came with me."

Daniel, at least, didn't seem drunk; but then he always acted strangely, so it was harder to tell. Jenna was disappointed, and afraid.

"Jacob, walk me back, will you? You stay, Tom, I don't care. You stay."

Tom disappeared. Daniel tried to talk her out of going but she wouldn't. They were disgusting, she told him, she didn't want any of it. Couldn't he at least leave Tom out of it?

"Why do you care what Tom does? You hate him anyway. You always have," Daniel said, pushing her by the shoulders toward the door. "Go on, go home."

"Don't push me, Daniel," Jenna said quietly.

"What was that? Talk louder, Jenna, I can't hear you." She stumbled, and he grabbed her so she wouldn't fall. "Are you still on about Tom? It's my fault, is it? Of course it is. Why doesn't someone kill me and save a lot of trouble?"

"Don't talk like that, Daniel."

"Don't talk like that, Daniel," he said. "Don't push me, Daniel. Don't fucking –"

She left. Jacob went with her. She lay in bed, shaking, until she could forget Daniel for a while, and sleep. The next morning she went to his dorm and stood beside him.

"Don't hurt yourself, Daniel," she said. He didn't answer.

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