He ran his hands across the bars. The sound of the clink clink made him feel better. "Hiya folks," Jim Roberts began turning around, "I made one mistake in my life: meeting Lisa. Ah, hell she was only one of many. But I is here to inform y'all of my mishaps with the other gals until this unfortunate scenario."

He sat on his bunk. Lounging he continued, "And well honestly, it is amazing that I even remember those bi—darlings. Well besides that. See it all began with Jane…"

o-o-o-o-o (a/n this is the flash back part…you'll see…)

She was hot, like hot HOT. I came over to her house at around six. Now see my first mistake was what I did before coming. I had a Starbucks Frapachino and Sudafed. Can you sue? It was my first date without paying the women! Anyway, I was not thinking straight. Plus there was a beer and, oh….maybe I was thinking straight.

Damn, getting side tracked. I've got to hurry before Lisa returns to our cell. I shudder at a single thought of her evil.

So anyway I staggered up into Jane's apartment. She let me in right away. "Just a moment," she reassured.

I sat on the couch and suddenly noticed she was applying lipstick. I hiccupped and then announced, "Babe, if you use any more make-up, the circus would use you as a clown (hiccup)"

She took a deep sigh, turned around, stomped her foot and retorted, "This is the only 'make-up' I've put on!! I LIKE A LITTLE LIPSTICK!!!!"

I waved my hands in front of my face, "Whoa there! Time out honey…the game is on!"

She suddenly began to rant about how men only care about sex, men only care about appearances, I did't listen to her, bla, bla, bla.

I stood up and stumbled toward her. "I guess this means I won't be getting any tonight, huh?"

The next thing I saw was a fist coming towards me. Then the words, "Tai-chi, self-defense, god you are such loser."

At that I fell into black oblivion. When I awoke I was in the alley behind my mother's house. My wallet was mysterious missing it's earlier contents: one hundred dollars.

Dazed, I had muttered, "Oh is that it, well, go buy yourself something and consider it a gift from me…"

At this the contents of my stomach were upturned on the grass.

o-o-o-o (a/n this is the return to himself in the jail cell crap part)

Jim propped himself against his pillow. "But that was just Jane. She was number one. There was still that chick I met online. Silly, silly me."

Jim shook his head at the memories of Patrica. "Silly, silly me."


Author Note: All phrases 'not to say to your girl friend' in bold! I am not gay, therefore, I do not have a girl friend or boyfriend. SO this is not based on personal experience! Thank you to the constant reviews and encouragements form 'Things Not To Say To Your Boyfriend' it made me feel good inside.