Man. You think you've had a bad day? Well, it's my birthday. And it's not just any birthday. It's the big thirty-three…forty-four. You think it's bad turning thirty-three? Try turning three thousand, three hundred forty-four years old. More or less; I've sort of lost count.

Do you still think you've had a bad day? Come back to me when you've spent said day fighting an ancient, immortal wizard for the fate of the world. The key to the fate of the world? An unreliable, whiny soul called the Thorn. The Thorn has manifested itself in different places across the world since time began, and for three thousand, three hundred and twenty-eight years, I've been chasing it.

See? You're having a good day.

I don't even know why the wizard wants the Thorn. I don't know why I have to protect it. All I know is that every time the body carrying the Thorn dies, I die too. And then I come back to life. Again. But I don't let it get to me. I have a dream. The dream that I chase? To be dead and forgotten under the unforgiving Egyptian sun…

You've never had a bad day in your life, have you?

I have. I've had three thousand years of them. I've been from Thebes to New York City, Calvary to Salem. I've been crucified and I've been stabbed; I was executed as a witch twice. Once I was hung, once I was burned. You don't know what a bad day is.

I'm not even human any more. I'm the Cursed Sphinx Guardian. Sounds great, huh? It's been a long time since I've had a good day…And you thought you had it bad?