My Unrequited

My thoughts on the person who was my unrequited and is now nothing because I've lost everything I feel for that person

Why did it have to be you? You of all people!

I don't even know when it really started.

It might have been mostly when I was trying to get you to come to hang out. I must have wanted you around.

But for crying out loud, you're homophobic! Well… I'm bi though…

But still! How could I have ever felt anything for you, you bastard? You ignore me for video games, other people that are supposedly your other friends; heck, every time I'm at your house, your brother has to entertain me! Not that he does much more of that either now since he's off with his girlfriend half the time either physically or in spirit.

But where did it start?! When did I ever have feelings for you, you cold, heartless, piece of Christian, or was it Catholic, crap.

Of course, everything has a beginning. I'd have to say, the curse really began in the first few days of school when we were freshman. But now, here we are, nearly juniors if it weren't for summer, and my damned to fail feelings for you started somewhere in sophomore year.

I think it was cause of that project we had. You invited me over to your house, taught me some stuff, but the best thing is, I think now that I look at it, you smiled at me. When I was thinking about my feelings for you, even though you're such a bastard, I thought of when you ever smiled at me.

It leads me also to freshman year, in the first few days of school. In a school full of strangers, you were one of the first few people to smile at me and tell me your name. You offered me your hand in friendship, and I took it, not wanting to be alone in a sea of new people I had never met.

Sometimes now I wish I never accepted.

But then again… Freshman year you were an awesome friend. You seemed like a nice guy.

It continued on to sophomore year. And then some of the way through, you became a fricken bastard and somewhere along the line, I started wondering if I liked your sorry ass.

But now look… You're not my unrequited. You're not even my friend. I knew I had no chance. So my feelings, any and all feelings, faded away.

I hope that now, when you're walking in a crowed street or hallway, that you color me the same shade of gray that you color everyone else you ignore, 'cause that's what I'm hoping to do to you. I want to make you a nameless face.

A nameless face of which I know a favorite color, has an interest in the military, two younger sisters and an older brother that is hated and off to college. A nameless face that I want never to see again, but will end up seeing somewhere.

And I hate it… I really do… It's why I blocked you and your brother on AIM, so I wouldn't talk to you two ever again. So I'd fade away.

Please tell me I've faded away… Cause everything I ever felt for you already has…