Aren't you supposed to be running after me?
Aren't you supposed to think I'm worth saving?
I feel like I've been ripped off somehow.
Like somehow I'm not getting the full package deal.
I know it's my fault, and I know I don't deserve you.
I know I'm hopeless, helpless, retarted.
But I guess for some reason I was hoping that would change.
That in somebody else's eyes,
I wouldn't be the one to be blamed.
However, that hope is pointless,
And so is all of this.
It's just that I've already blogged today,
And nobody else wants to listen.
I know you don't either, I don't know why I try.
Just what you did is like saying "I hate you",
What you did is like saying "Go away, I don't want you."
And I know it's true, I know I deserve it,
But I guess for some reason,
In the back of my mind I was just hoping
That it wouldn't be true.
And that I could somehow
Be allowed to love.
I hate it that you're happy, or actually I don't.
I just hate it that you're happy with her.
And not with me.
I hate it that you have no respect for my feelings
Which you know good and well.
I hate it that you have somebody.
And that that somebody isn't me.
I hate it hate it hate it hate it
I don't hate you. I hate it.
I don't really know what it is.
Since I'm not a jealous person.
I'm really not. I promise
I just hate whatever cosmic force is out there
Screwing with my head.
The force that makes it so I can't be happy.
The one that punishes me for loving people.
The whatever-it-is that introduced you to her.
I hate that.
I hate it.
I don't hate you.
Maybe I hate myself, but I don't hate you.
I love you.
Secretly, though, I think that love and hate
Are possibly the same thing.
Everytime I love somebody I end up hating them,
And everytime I hate somebody, I end up loving them.
It's sorta like how purple fades into red on the color spectrum,
But when you look at a rainbow they're, like, opposites.
I guess I'm not making very much sense.
But that's what happens
When you hate something so much
Becuase you love someone so much
And they're happy
Without you.