Arty's Average Day
Arty woke up to the loud- siren like scream of his alarm clock. He got out of what he called a bed, but it actually was just a mold- stained mattress with a oily smelling pillow. He headed into his bathroom and paused for a moment - "Today is a Shower Day!" he exclaimed to himself. He hopped in and turned the water on. To his dismay he found the water way too hot, so he turned the nob to cold. Now the water was too cold. This went on for about five minutes then he went about washing his hair. He had already resolved what he should use for his hair first: shampoo, then conditioner. Twenty minutes later he was out of the shower and getting dressed. He was very glad he had to wear a uniform to his job- as opposed to picking out clothes for the day. He brushed his dark- orange hair away from his slightly chubby, freckled face. He left his trailer- home and got into his brown colored car.
His Goblin had once been an orange, but it had been rusted brown. The car was strangely fitted with two winter tires in the back and two summer tires in the front. He backed out of his gravel driveway and drove slow, and methodically to his job at the bank. Once at the bank he checked in and announced awkwardly why he was late. "I had trouble deciding when to go at the stop sign." The response to his inappropriate excuse was a bunch of sighs by his fellow bankers. They had stopped making fun of him a year ago - now he was just plain annoying.
A slender, soft faced women approached Arty. He pushed his glasses up and sat behind his window. "Excuse me?" the woman asked in a soft voice, " Can you cash this check, please?" Arty found this woman appealing and was a bit flustered by her. "OKAY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT?" his face reddened, for Arty could never tell if he was being heard, so he just talked loudly all the time. The women brushed her short black hair back " Excuse me, but what do you mean?" she gingerly asked. Arty cleared his throat, "bills or change?" She smiled, "bills please."
He frowned and itched his oily dark orange hair. Why hadn't she told him what kind of bills? He wanted to make a good impression on her, so he decided not to ask her to specify. He sat there in his chair for the longest time staring at his register thinking. "Is there a problem?" Arty jumped in his chair. The women was now looking him straight in the eyes. "I-I was just thinking, what kind of bills do you want it in?" "That is a thoughtful thing to consider my preference, I will just take two twenty dollar bills." He handed her the money and she waved by to him, but he could not move.
He had just missed asking her out. Drat. He read the check and got her name. She was a new member of the bank. He would see her again. Arty could not decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He drove home with all his car lights on. It was dark out and he could never figure out which lights were most appropriate for the dark, so he just used them all. He arrived at his trailer and opened the door and locked it behind him. He sat down in a scratched up arm chair in front of three tv screens. This was how Arty watched TV, he would sit down and channel surf and then watch three things at once. He could never decide what to watch. (The funny thing is he only gets five channels.)
He shut the tv off and fed his cat 'Bsaillmy'(The name is a mix of the names Sammy and Bill) and then pondered why his black cat always had night terrors and twitched uncontrollably. Once the cat was done eating he fell a sleep with his head in his food bowl. Arty picked the cat up and plopped him on the mat next to his bed. He looked the cat over: he had his tongue hanging out and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. All the while the cat's tail wiggled around like a helicopter blade. Arty took his glasses off and went to bed.