A/N: I wrote this in middle school when a friend went through an obsession with sporks. It's become one of my personal favorites. Chapter 1 is the revision I did in college. This is the original in all its awkward glory. =)

Once there were two implements

who fought all night and day

and never ceased to take a breath;

they had too much to say.

Too much to slam the other with,

and insults freely flowed

from one foul mouth to yonder ear,

each word a driving goad.

"You're fat and blunt," the fork cried out,

inducing further feud.

"Why, you're no good for picking up

the REAL chunks of food!"

"You're much too thin," the spoon replied,

her pride but slightly hurt.

"And as for being fat!" she spat,

"I'll have you know, they're curves!"

So on and on the bickering

Continued months and years

Until the other silverware

Stuffed cotton in its ears.

At one point, being fond of peace,

the knife, amidst the fight

decided he had had enough--

he'd end the sleepless nights.

The spoon was quick to listen but

the fork went on to yak

till finally she realized

that Spoon had not talked back.

"Just listen to your stupid selves,"

the knife said with a frown.

"I know you two can get along

And find some common ground.

The fork thinks that the way to help

is simply stabbing food,

while Spoon suggests that scooping up

is certainly less rude."

Resolving then to please them both

in finding a solution,

he called the local Paper-Plastic

Making Institution.

He told them, "I must have a tool

that scoops and stabs and stirs--

and having it by late this week

is what the fork prefers."

And sure enough, twas late that week

when fin'lly it arrived:

So lovely this new wonder came,

the perfect plan derived!

For there before them, fork and spoon

beheld with their own eyes

the world's best creation yet,

and greatest compromise.

A spoon with little prongs on top

for stabbing food and such,

and yet, it could be used to scoop

the foods like soup and mush.

So finally the feud was over

'tween the spoon and fork,

and they agreed on naming "IT":

it HAD to be a Spork!