Here Be Monsters
It had been a normal patrol through the Sargasso Sector. The Hudson-class survey ship detected an odd signature on its sensors. It matched nothing within the database. What worried Captain Francisca Pizarro was the fact it was getting closer to the ship. What worried her even more was the fact it was biological.
"Xenobiologist James Crick! Report!" Pizarro shouted over the intercom.
The xenobiologist, a young, confident doctor, appeared on the bridge.
"Yes, Captain?" he asked politely.
"There's something biological chasing us. I've never heard of life in the void of space. Take a look at it," the Captain ordered.
Crick looked at the sensor readouts and smirked. "Oh. These things. They're just Krakens. They have an interesting biology. They maintain their tissues in space by…"
"I don't care what makes them tick. I want to know what this giant, multi-tentacled, many-mouthed space monster is chasing our ship!" the Captain thundered.
"You see, these things are very interesting. They hibernate for long periods…" Crick continued.
"I don't care! I want to know why it's coming after the ship!" the Captain shouted.
"You'll see," Crick said with a smirk.
The grinding of metal was heard from through the ship. The Captain looked at the sensors. The Kraken was on them.
"That monster's already on us! It's grabbed the rear of the ship!" the Captain complained, "It's not letting go, no matter our speed! What can we do?"
"Abandon ship, Captain. It's mating season," Crick smiled. "More of those things will be here soon. This region of space is crawling with them. They hump any warm thing that gets too close. They mate in a frenzied gathering, not unlike an orgy. More of them will be here soon, so let's get out while we can."
The Captain looked embarrassed. "Great. I can imagine writing the report: "Vessel was lost due to space monsters thinking it looked nice." I'll be laughed out of the Star Exploration Fleet!"
"Actually, not. Sensor footage of one actually in heat and going for the ship would be a rare find. Let's download it to one of the escape pod's computers and get out of here," Crick suggested.
"Good idea, Doctor," the Captain replied.
Soon, the alarm was sounded, and members of the crew were prompted to report to the nearest escape pod. As luck would have it, Pizarro was in the same pod as Crick.
"Nice to see you're here. I've got a copy right here," Crick said, holding up a data disk.
"Excellent. All that's left is to wait a few hours for the Fleet to send some rescue craft. Got anything to watch?" Pizarro asked.
"This," Crick pointed to the disk.
"Let's watch," Captain Pizarro agreed.
After the first few times, the Captain watched more intently.
"You know, that thing going for that vaguely phallic sensor array is kind of arousing," the Captain said as she stared intensely at the small holovision in the pod.
"We've been watching it too long. Though it does seem kind of wrong to watch the thing fornicate with the ship. It's like some weird porno gone wrong," Crick replied.
"Speaking of, want to make like the Kraken? The rescue mission won't be here for another hour or two, at least," the Captain asked she looked hungrily at Crick.
Outside the ship, a group of Krakens where intently attempting to copulate with the wreck of the Hudson-class ship. One of the Krakens saw a human escape pod shaking in an odd manner and turned away. The Kraken, uninterested in whatever was going on inside, joined the mating frenzy around the wreck. If only the disinterest was mutual.