Please don't be offended by my opening. I try to be as honest as possible and frankly, I think people that go to Midville High are losers. Except maybe me. So I hope you don't mind if I refer to you by your proper title because I don't know your name yet, okay?
Also. The teachers here are stupid. They are retarded beyond credit, the assholes. What sane teacher would organize a pen pal project (Stupid Idea #1;) in which the students write letters to other students in the same freaking school?? (Stupid Idea #2.)
It's funny, really, but it's also sad that this is what modern education has come to.
God, why me?
I'm supposed to tell you a little about myself, but I don't know why I should bother because hopefully by this time you've realized that I do not want to write to you and that I do not want a reply, so maybe you've already torn this letter to shreds. But I've got time to kill, so why not?
My name is Anthony Ledwater.
I am 16 years old. If it's too difficult for you to determine what grade that would put me in, I'll save you some time and tell you that I'm a junior.
I like chainsaws, switchblades, and large guns.
I like assaulting innocent freshmen at their lockers and leaving them in restroom sinks.
I do not like chocolate. And I do not like this stupid pen pal project because I think it's for third graders.
And I am gay. Yet another very good reason for you not to write to me. (What if I decide to stalk you and molest you in public restrooms?)
Have a nice day.