Title: Sensitive Pornography
Chapter twelve: Concise
For a while, I just lay there listening to her breathe…slow and even, so natural it was hard to tell if she was really asleep. That was one of a number of things that was hard to believe.
We were so different, and there was so much more I wanted to know about her…but the feeling was unmistakable. Love.
There was no way I could deny it. With a dull stare, I looked up at the video camera, and saw the light was off. I figured it had timed out somewhere between the end of the first go, and the start of the second.
Mina stirred, revealing to me her bare collar, and two perfect breasts.
Careful not to wake her, I pressed my nose against her neck, and inhaled her scent. She was lavender, sweat, and sex. She was perfect. She was mine.
Gently, I pressed my lips to her breast, remembering the soft feel, and earned a content sigh from Mina. Her head lolled to the side, and she was still once more. However, I was intent on giving her a proper wakeup. Mina threaded her fingers through my hair involuntarily, and I swirled my tongue around her nipple.
"Mhm…" she moaned incoherently.
I closed my mouth over her breast, and massaged the other with my free hand. Before I knew it, she had locked her legs around my waist, drawing me nearer.
"Simon…" she whispered breathlessly, opening her eyes.
"Mmm?" I murmured, smiling.
"I…I let go, "Mina kept her legs locked, and let her head rest in the crook of my neck.
"What?" I asked, watching her expressionless face as she drifted in and out of sleep.
"I let myself go...I…thought I could get away from you," she whispered, her nose pressing into my shoulder.
I kept my eyes on Mina, trying to decipher her meaning. After a few moments, she pushed up and swung her feet over the edge of the bed, looking down. I let my eyes rest on her bare back.
"Are you okay Mina?" I asked, carefully laying a hand on her shoulder.
"I think I just need some air for a second," she sighed, and wrapped the top comforter around her shoulders, gathering her bra and panties in one hand.
I watched as she stepped behind the blinds and out onto the balcony. I thought of waiting for her, but I couldn't leave her alone again. I laid there for a moment, and then pulled on a shirt and pants and following her out. Looking down, I spied her sitting on the ground, trying to fasten her bra backwards.
Silently, I kneeled behind her and rearranged the straps, clipping it for her. Mina whispered quick thanks and shifted the comforter off her shoulders, sitting half naked for all to see. Her eyes were lonely and downcast. Part of me wanted to yell, to scream: 'what more do you want from me?!' but instead I continued watching her, staring, trying to find out the problem without having to ask.
Deep down, I knew something like this would happen. She was still depressed and afraid. And along with that, I was afraid for her. All of the happiness had faded out of the situation. There were some things I couldn't make better.
Like a lifetime of hurt…
"It's cold out here," she uttered suddenly, and stood.
Mina leaned against the railing in her pink underwear and matching lace bra, uncaring watchful eyes, including my own.
"You're safe here…you know that, don't you?" I asked, standing next to her, our elbows touching.
Don't do this to me…
Mina turned and met my eyes, desperate to believe me.
"It's so nice with you, Simon," she wrapped her arms around my torso, burying her face against my chest.
"It's nice with you too, Mina," I said softly, digging my nails into her back as I held her as tightly as I could.
Don't…don't die inside….
"I'd like to believe I'm safe with you, but…I keep thinking—
"—stop," I muffled her sentence in a kiss.
It was senseless, more for me than her. It was part of trying to believe she was okay, and that we were absolutely perfect together. She hardly responded, but smiled when it was over.
"Just don't think for a while…" I begged. "Pretend everything's okay."
Mina stared at me, and touched my cheek. I watched her remove her hand, and saw the wetness on her fingertips. I hadn't realized I'd been crying. She gave me a worried look, and I covered my hurt with a weak chuckle.
Don't go back to what you were…
"Simon, don't worry. Don't…cry," Mina threaded her fingers through my hair, and I let loose a ragged breath between her breasts, heating her cool skin.
I felt my legs give out, and Mina caught me, her nails scraping up beneath my shirt, bringing me flashes of the hours before. Of how much I needed her. Of how much it pained me to let her go in the end…of how much…I wanted her to forget.
I felt ashamed, but I didn't let her go. I couldn't. If I did…I might have lost her.
"Don't go…don't do this to yourself," I managed to choke out.
"I'm scared," she admitted, her voice airy and weak. "I still have nightmares…I can't just…forget."
I lifted my head, my eyes red and blurry from holding back tears. I looked at Mina with heat in my eyes, a mixture of lust and confusion.
"I want nothing more than to help you," I placed both of her hands on my shoulders, and pulled her roughly against my chest.
"I need some time," she whispered, her breathing rushed. I could see the heat rising in her cheeks, and planted soft kisses on her neck.
"No," I was firm this time. "You'll kill yourself this way! Stop blaming yourself, and realize what you have ahead of you…in front of you!"
I blushed awkwardly, and felt the tears drying on my cheeks. Mina lowered her eyes to my shirt, tracing the blue spiral pattern with the fingertips of her left hand. I held her other tightly on my shoulder. It seemed like forever until she spoke.
"I don't mean to pass on my hurt this way…" Mina fingered the leather collar around my neck that she had fastened on herself in the hours before.
Slowly, she closed her eyes and craned her neck as I trailed my kisses to her hollow of her throat. I could feel her heartbeat in tune with mine, slightly erratic with the prospect of love.
"I don't know what got into me," she whispered, desolate.
"Fear," I supplied the answer, raising my lips to meet hers.
"That's right," she smiled wistfully. "I wanted…"
Mina took a long pause to correct herself.
"I want to love you…I do love you, but I'm scared I'll do something wrong," she sniffled. "I'm scared you'll hurt me."
Her breath was warm on my cheek, soothing. I took in her words, and smiled.
"I would never hurt you. I couldn't. I'd have to kill myself first," I said quietly, and watched Mina smile.
That brought a smile to Mina's face.
"You've done so much for me. Mentally and…physically," she added the last part with a chuckle. "You never fail to please."
After that, we were both silent for a moment, blushing.
"I'd hate to lose you," we said simultaneously.
"You won't," I was first that time with a broad smile.
Carefully, I helped Mina to her feet, and wrapped the comforter around her shoulders once again. I waited anxiously for her response.
"You…you won't lose me either. Never. Never ever," she said the words as if they were weight released.
"It's cold out here," I said, mimicking Mina.
She nodded in agreement, and we stepped back in. As soon as I shut the door to the balcony, Mina dropped the comforter on the floor, along with her panties and bra.
"Show me how much you need me baby," she teased, and a smile blossomed on her face.
It was the one I had grown accustomed to from the first time I met her, drinking a low-fat soy latte at her dead-end job. However, part of me was glad she was different. Part of me…loved the mess we were constantly in. After all, it made the sex so much more satisfying.
I peeled off my shirt, and watched as Mina sat on the edge of the bed, her chest rising and falling quickly in anticipation. Deliberately slow, I unbuttoned my pants and pretended to be stuck on the zipper. Mina rolled her eyes and let out a moan of frustration. It wasn't long before she had made her way over to me, and I found myself pressed up against the wall, blushing.
"Thank you. Thank you so much," she said softly, stroking the curled blond hairs that made a small trail down the front of my waist.
I stared at a fixed spot on the wall over Mina's shoulder, and tried to slow my heart rate as I felt my pants slide down around my ankles. Mina parted my legs and kicked them across the floor. Finally, I met her eyes. I smiled.
The fire's back.
Soon, it became too much to remain standing. I reigned over her once again, forcing down into the mattress with every thrust. I was faster this time, a heat rising in the pit of my stomach, driving me insane. As I moved within her, Mina nipped at my ear, mewling softly.
"Harder…" she whispered at last, and I obeyed.
Before I knew it, our bangs were damp with sweat, along with our bodies as we moved together as one, calling out for each other, among other things. I wasn't as embarrassed as the first time. I knew her body as well as she knew mine. Making love had never felt so right.
"Mina…" I groaned her name, and watched her smile.
She had this amazing control over me that was unbelievable, but didn't last too long. Mina dug her nails into my back and moaned.
She bit my neck, and moaned again, but louder this time. Every sound she made was urging me on, along with the sound of squeaking bedsprings and jingling of the small chain loops on my collar. Mina slipped her ring and index finger through the loops, pulling as hard as she could to signal her nearing climax.
Mina whimpered my name urgently, and locked her legs tightly around my waist. I gave a final thrust and she raised her hips to meet it.
Suddenly, I was lost in a world of pleasure, swirling colors before my eyes, my hands uncurling from the sheets I had fisted moments before. Mina struggled to catch her breath, but held on until the heated pulsation between us slowed to a stop. Her eyes, glazed now from the afterglow shimmered as she held me close, whispering my name breathlessly.
"I love you so much," I murmured, kissing every exposed inch of her skin.
After a few moments, we came back down from our high, and I pulled away from Mina with a blush. Shyness had set in once again. But I was happy that for once I was too short on breath to say anything stupid.
Tired, I glanced at the clock. We had virtually wasted away half the day in bed.
And that was okay with me.
Of course, it always would be. Sure, there was a lot to work out, and my mind was constantly buzzing with some new problem, but we could figure it all out. Together.
"That's a terrible one. I blinked, look!" I frowned, pointing to the picture on Simon's laptop.
I lay on his couch with it in my lap, eating popcorn all the while. Simon was sitting on the coffee table, shuffling through papers. He shifted a glance my way, and then smiled.
"Fine then, we'll take out that one and pet in the bathtub shot," he reached over my shoulder, dipping his head intentionally so our cheeks brushed.
"I like that one…" I pointed at another shot of me licking whipped cream off Simon's stomach. He had a cherry on it, balanced off to the side.
"Ah yes, the night of the cherry. That sex was legendary," he smirked. "We can put that one on the Sensitive Porno section."
I watched as Simon filled in the last open slot in the magazine with the bathtub picture, and saved it to disk.
I thought back to the magazines first publish, when I wasn't living with Simon, and cuddled Bongo in my lap. Simon had come up with the Sensitive Pornography section. It was a two page spread of our sex life complete with a story about each picture. Some funny like the night of the cherry, others sad like the forgotten 1 month anniversary.
The pictures weren't all racy, I made sure of that, but I couldn't say I didn't like the new source of intimate exploration. Both of us got enough fan mail for SP to send us both off the deep end, but that was only proof that we couldn't just stop.
The rest of the art was a cakewalk. We split the magazine into three other parts. Outdoors/lifestyle pictures that didn't have to feature us, then pages for each of us. Clothed. With a kid on the way, we couldn't afford too make many mistakes.
As painful as it was, I had opted against having my own child in fear of complications. Simon and I now had our heart set on adopting a Japanese girl in April of next year. After all, we wanted a little of everything in the family.
"Volume six, here we go!" Simon kissed my hand above my engagement ring.
I was still nervous about the wedding. We hadn't prepared anything fancy, we both decided. I couldn't think of any family to invite anyway. Simon didn't want anything to do with his mother, so it was easily settled. I had one week left before turning into a married woman.
Simon and I kissed each others palms twice, and slapped them down on top of the pile of magazines. It was our ritual for good luck. That and having five rounds of sex before putting out the next issue.
After about two months of dating, we decided to move out of London, to Gloucester. It was a better place to raise kids after all and far enough away from David. Though it was a rather long commute to publish, we made our sacrifices.
"Time for our second ritual!" Simon pointed eagerly at the clock excitedly.
I smiled and placed Bongo on the floor. He heard the four chimes of the grandfather clock, and ran off to the kitchen, well rehearsed with our schedule. I opened my blouse, and watched Simon's eyes light up like a kid in a candy store.
I started seeing a therapist for my depression on Simon's wishes, and that along with my own dose of special "home physical therapy" helped me cope. However, I couldn't help but keep a piece of my past stuck in the back of my mind. It was too horrible to forget.
Simon shared my pain in more ways than one, but I suppose it didn't piss him off as much as I thought it would. He didn't blame me. After all, he insisted. The worst thing of it all for him was the doctor's visits and the pills.
I love him.
"Ow, not so hard. Take it easy!" I snapped as I felt Simon bite my neck.
"Hey, you were the one spacing out," he chuckled, and a smile inched its way across my lips.
"You know, when the adoption pulls through, there will be an awful lost less of this," I smirked.
Simon gave me an almost terrified look, and then took another glance at the clock.
"Alright then. We've got officially one year and two months to do it as many times as we can," he said so firmly I wasn't sure if he was kidding or not.
I burst into a fit of hysterics that stopped abruptly when I felt just how badly Simon was waiting for our second ritual.
"Wow…someone's excited," I smiled and pressed my lips firmly against his.
Once again, my mind wandered to the past. If Simon had never stayed by my side, I didn't know what would have happened to me. The first night we met at the bar, I had planned on throwing my life away and even so after the first time we slept together. Yet he was there to pull me back in. He was the person I could count on to bring me back to life.
"What are you thinking about?" Simon groaned in frustration as I broke away from the kiss.
Good ol' Simon.
"I love you," I whispered out of nowhere.
Simon blushed at his eagerness, and softened. Gently, he ran a hand over my cheek, and kissed my lips.
"'love you too," he said with a smile.
I threaded my fingers through his hair, combing it out of his eyes and kissed his brow just as the doorbell rang. I tried to push myself up, but Simon held me down.
"Shh, pretend we're not home," he begged.
I gave him a pat on the head, and looked at my watch.
"It's Diana. She made the commute just to see us, so I expect you to be nice," I smiled and re-buttoned my blouse.
Simon grumbled swear words under his breath, and threw himself back down on the couch as I stood.
"What does it matter if I'm nice? She hates my guts!" he frowned.
I put a hand on the doorknob and gave him a pout. After all, he was right. Ever since all three of us had gone out to lunch together, and Diana caught us having sex in a public bathroom…things were…uncomfortable, to say the least.
I opened the door, and Simon plastered on a fake smile.
"Oh girl, you won't believe it! Darren and I are gonna second honeymoon in Hawaii!" Diana squealed as she stepped in.
I couldn't help but smile.
"Come on….a second honeymoon? Isn't that a bit quick?" I chuckled.
"Fine, call it a vacation to…." Her voice died down as she saw Simon.
"So, you're still with him?" she frowned.
"Nice to see you too, Di." Simon sneered.
I mustered a forced laugh, and smacked Diana playfully on the shoulder.
"Oh come on guys…"
"I was thinking we could head out for an early dinner if you'd like," Diana ignored my futile attempt to lighten the mood and cast another glare at Simon.
I winced, and Simon made faces behind her back.
"Um, actually, we just printed so…" I motioned over to the stack of magazines, then Simon, who wiggled his eyebrows for Diana.
"Ugh, you could do so much better, Mina," she sighed, but from the look in her eyes, I knew she had to be happy for me.
Why else would she visit all the time? Why else…would we still be friends?
I looked at Simon who had his hand stuffed in the popcorn bowl, shoving handfuls into his mouth to chase Diana away. It was immature but…
"Actually, I don't think I could," I giggled.
Simon stuffed his cheeks and gave me a grin.
"I really don't think I could…"
Ta-da! The end! AGAIN! Especially, to ooies for encouraging me to revise! I hope this is better. I had to add in Diana really quick, (I can't believe I forgot her! Ahhhh!) So I hope it flows…. Sorry for the long wait, but I must have written and re-written this chapter a million times for a good ending! I hope you enjoy it! Now I have to rush and get up a chapter of Confessions of the Chronically Oversexed! Ach! (Chuckles) Anyway, read and review, and thanks to all my loyal reviewers from before. I would be nothing without your feedback!