I thought I was a virgin

until I realized I'd been spoiled my whole life

until I realized how I couldn't wait;

how saving myself wouldn't do

"Sex isn't sacred,"
my 13-year-old jaded mind whispered,
as I watched old Armenian women
bless my cousin-bride-to-be's bed
The sheets: white, crisp, untouched
pure nothing

"Soon to be bled on,"

I was told

she's a virgin

A virgin

25,

the white roses in her eyes don't lie

The picture of the Virgin Mary in my room
pins her judgemental eyes on my sleeping form
"Spoiled virgin", she whispers
"what a waste of pure girlhood."

25 doesn't cross my mind

By 16, I hope to find myself

sprawled beneath a sweat-speckled,

lusty-eyed boy as he

sighs my name and soon becomes

the delicious dirt beneath my finger nails

They,

with their old-fashioned,

old-country traditions

will deem me dirty

but I,

I will love every minute of my

delicious dirt