uJudgement/u

This is for all of you

A way to explain what the fk is wrong with me

Let me break it down for you

Then we'll see how you'll judge me

I'm smart, too smart

Way too god damned intelligent

And don't tell me I'm not

Because I might believe the indication

I'm too worried about what you people think

Even though I keep saying I'm not

Is this the right shirt or jeans

Doesn't this stain look like a dry blood clot

Take for example my reluctance to talk

And then to repeat until I make sure that I'm heard

In my head screaming what the fawk

Hoping I don't get confused for a nerd

Bipolar, depressed, too sad to care

Too pussy for suicide, too sad, can't die

The leader of the group, the wild hair

The mad deceptionist that sees fit to cry

Frustrated at every single weakness I show

Wishing I had never been born into this plane of reality

Hating the way I'm just a tad bit homo

Then hating myself for being too weak to tell everybody

The king of insomnia from sleepless night to sleepless night

Just trying to figure out what's right

In a world of wrongs, the eternal fight

Out of sight, out of mind, out of mind, out of sight

I don't even care if you understand my little rhyme

Buckle up, cause you're in for a ride

Bipolar, bisexual, bilingual, bye; bye

Too many bi's and bye, bi, buy's

Depressed, dejected, degenerated, die; die

Too many de's to dot the di's

So try this one on for size

Sorrow, exhaustion, destruction, self-mutilation

Inadequacy, deprecation, misery, incompetence

Irascible contemplation, inimical condemnations

Desire followed by agony, denial, atrophy, and death

All just words off my mural of words

Words I use to try and describe

The way I feel inside

Worthless suffering, restless wandering

My insecurities eat away my life

Each step I take leaves me wondering

Whether it would be easier to take off and fly

Or just pick up and die

I guess I'm suicidal

But I can't seem to handle

The task of ending my life

Though I don't think I ever tried

I'm just too pussy to do it myself

So I hope and I pray for someone to help

I've had the knife, I've had the thought

But my planning was all for naught

I picked up the knife and just let it drop

I don't know why

I hate my life,

I'm pretty sure I'll hate my wife

So why can't I die

What lies do I hide inside

Now judge me you who read my rhymes

I think I'm crazy at times

So you decide

You've now had your glimpse inside my mind

Judge me like everybody else designs

Because before we continue this game we play

I gotta know which road to take

Before I write one more line to date

I've got to know just how much is at stake

And I'm too damned serious for this to be fake.